A Basket of Broken
by J. L. Collins
Summary: Takes place during 'New Moon'era B/J & B/E. 'Things turn out the way they do for a reason'. Will she make up her mind about them? What about the Cullens? And where's Edward? Does immortality sound better than a life of real love? R/R please!
1. Chapter 1: Cliff Hanger

**This takes place at the point in "New Moon" where Bella is standing at the cliff about to dive off. I wanted to twist it so that we can see what would have happened like Jacob said, if she would've just waited for him to get there. Told from Bella's POV in this chapter, but I have a feeling that I want to take a ride in Jake's mind next chapter! :) Tell me what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any the Twilight series or anything having to do with it. I do however, own my imagination. :)**

Chapter 1: Cliff-Hanger

The waves below were crashing rhythmically against the rocks below. I watched as a ray of sunshine poured through the storm clouds, dancing on the water.

'I wanted this,' I thought to myself as I looked down, watching the rain meet the sea. 'If I weren't such a stupid, foolish person I wouldn't have let myself believe that Edward was really in love with me. He's far too perfect...even for the immortal.

How could he want to be with someone as plain-jane as me? I must admit though, he really had me going with making me believe that he cared for me. Okay, so he did care for me, but only in the sense that he tried to keep himself from killing me. How gracious of him' I thought, rolling my eyes.

I pondered these things in high hopes of hearing his voice. These days, it was getting harder and harder to provoke it.

'That whole time with me- it must've only been about piquing his curiosity. He was drawn to the scent of my blood and it made him delirious. Fascination...that's all it was. He took interest in an average human girl for a fleeting moment. So in the end, the lion wasn't in love with the lamb; he was simply intrigued by it.'

My bare feet moved closer to the edge of the cliff, suddenly ready to take the plunge.

_Step back, Bella. This is absurd!  
_  
I smiled inwardly taunting the voice; 'I may be absurd but this is the only way to remember you. I don't care if you are cursing me to a thousand deaths, it's better than the deafening silence.' I took a deep breath and hesitated, looking back out at the warm rays still out on the water.

The closing in the clouds began to choke out the small bit of warmth still left in the sky. It was sad, really. I shivered knowing the water must be freezing and also knowing that this was one thing that would've sent _him_ over the edge. Maybe I was just spiting him.

As I took my last deep breath, the hole in my chest started to ache. 'Pull yourself together, Bella,' I thought miserably, as I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, already chilled from the oncoming storm.

Then as if out of nowhere it hit me head-on like I was a de-railing train and someone switched the tracks to the right, causing me to shift safely...I _was_ being absurd.

I was a real person, letting a not-real thing get to me. As much as I loved him and would _always_ love him, he backed out on _me_. Even if I had imagined this whole scenario, he was no longer here. Listening to this echo of his voice was causing me to be okay with doing dangerous & deadly things that in my pre-Edward life, I would have never been okay with doing. Sure, Edward was real at one point in time, but the minute he left me he should've became non-existent in my eyes.

Yes, he was perfect and I am surely not, but does that mean I should have to spend the rest of my life mourning over his departure? After all, it was his decision to leave me in that dark forest where who knows _what_ was roaming around. There was a time where in the beginning, Edward would never let me be by myself in that forest alone. His 'clean break' caused me to lose not only my essence of being; it cost me a family and friends.

The way I see it, he apparently wanted me to 'get over' myself and grow up.

Becoming the zombie that I did, now only angered me that much more. Why should _I_ spend all my time crying over him when this is what I should want in the end? I don't need a guy to come and rescue me at my every peril. I was clumsy and generally a magnet for trouble, but if I have survived this long from the harsh blow of him leaving me...who's to say I won't survive anything else?

Surely nothing could possibly be as bad as him deserting me. Leaving me here, to literally rot.

'Why is it that everyone around me thinks I'm such a damsel in distress? Do I really come off like that? If this were the case, then I really need to take some self-defense classes or something,' I thought bitterly. The only person here lately that wasn't constantly trying to save me from myself was my best friend. But now it's as if I can't even have Jake, my own personal small ray of sun amongst the clouds. I was tired of being made to feel like a little china-doll, so easily breakable. I wasn't any more fragile than any other human out there- at least the non shape-shifting type.

I finally realized how pointless it was to stand so close to the edge when I had _no_ intention of jumping, so I began backing up and sat down a few feet from the end of the drop. I steadied my breathing, just now noticing how close to hyperventilating I was. I suddenly wished I had a blanket, once the wind started picking up.

I heard footsteps coming up from the right, moving faster and faster towards me. They stopped and without turning around, I immediately knew who they belonged to. The warmth was already emanating from him, despite the rain beating down us.

He sat down next to me on the wet grass, following my blank gaze. I could see that he was staring at me from the corner of his eye. 'He can probably see the wheels in my mind turning.'

We said nothing to each other, but I had a feeling that I wasn't the only one who felt as though a huge shift in our lives had happened. It was like someone was scribbling out the future and re-writing it.

I picked a blade of grass out of the ground as he turned toward me, watching me carefully as I put the blade of grass between my thumbs and blew, making an awful whistling noise. He grinned. I shivered as his smile caught me by surprise, making me draw my knees up to my chest. My chest that felt like it was suddenly beginning to sew itself up.

Jacob picked up a larger blade of grass and tried to copy me. For the next few peaceful minutes, we both sat there like the best friends that we were always meant to be, acting like little kids. Jacob's expression turned grim.

"This is really dumb of me to keep you out here in the-"he started.

"I don't care. I feel fine and I know a little rain isn't really bothering _you_." I said. I stretched my legs back out to show him I was okay.

Looking down at my soaked clothes, I only then grasped that I was wearing a white shirt. I quickly folded my arms across my chest, hoping Jacob didn't notice. He looked at me with a curious gaze, then realizing just what I was doing, he laughed wholeheartedly. His body shook so hard from laughing, that for a second I thought he was going to phase right there.

"We really should get back. I'm sure I can find you some warm...possibly dry clothes," he laughed, standing up and pulling me up towards him. I scowled.

We carefully hiked down the most leveled side of the cliff, Jake trying to keep me from breaking my neck the whole time. This kind of 'saving' wasn't so bad, but I wouldn't be able to stand it if he kept putting his life in danger to protect me from Victoria. Even thinking this, I knew he would never stop until she was no longer a problem.

Once we made it back to the Black's house, Jacob threw me some of his clothes, quickly tossing his wet shirt over in the corner of the room. I blushed, thinking my obvious prude-ness was stupid since it was just Jacob. He stared at me for a second and pointed to the bathroom.

"You can get dressed in there," he smirked. I nodded, practically running past him. I shut the door, trying to compose myself.

'This really is stupid...I'm just running off of my adrenaline from earlier,' I thought. I peeled my wet clothes off and grabbed the towel on the rack, pausing for a moment to look at my face in the mirror. It was splotchy with purple colored half-circles forming under my eyes. I looked like the dead, if the dead looked like hell. I dried myself off and threw on Jacob's enormous t-shirt and sweat-pants. I pulled the string in the pants as tight as it would go and tied it. The pants were still about the fall off of me anyway.

Frustrated, I sighed opening the door and making my way back into the living room. Jacob was still in his room getting dressed, so I began to try to tidy up the room. Billy & Jacob were definitely not the types to pay attention to clutter I saw, as I looked at the shirt that he had flung in the corner. It'll probably still be there next week, I thought gathering it up and looking for a place to put it.

"What are you, my babysitter?" Jacob mused behind me, pulling the shirt out of my hand.

"No, but you sure could use a house-keeper," I mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the couch. He chuckled, putting the shirt in the laundry.

As he sat back down next to me, I felt the heat-wave rolling off of his russet-colored skin. I felt dizzy, leaning back and folding my legs underneath me while Jacob kept looking down at me.

"So...are you going to tell me why you decided to go cliff-diving by yourself? Or maybe why you were going to jump from the highest peak...or even why you won't say anything to me? I have nothing but time you know..." Jacob mumbled. I looked up at him, knowing he deserved an explanation for what was going on...even though he'd kill me when if I mention _his_ name. I paused, trying to word it right.

"I've been...messed up in my head, Jake. Since...since _he_ left, you know...I...kept hearing his voice when I would do something stupid or reckless...I just wanted...I just..." I tried to explain. As expected, Jacob's eyes flashed at the name, suddenly putting him on edge. I held my hand up for him to let me finish.

"It was always about trying to get him to speak to me, even if only in my mind," I sighed at how ridiculous I sounded as he raised an eyebrow. "But I realized before I was going to jump...just how idiotic I was being.

I was letting _him_...a boy, er...man...control my every move. I've always been more of an independent person, that is until _he_ happened, but in that moment...I had to break out of my...habit. It was like I was addicted to him, only much worse. I couldn't get enough and I only thrived when I was with him. I just _had_ to hear him say something...even if that meant jumping 100 feet off of a cliff." I looked at him like I was being scolded...sheepishly. His fierce expression turned into one of frustration.

"Bells...this was what the bikes were about? And the cliff-diving? And....me?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"Jake, I don't know what to say except this: I was pretty much drowning in my own sick sorrow, not wanting to be pulled out of it. Absolutely pathetic. It kept me near his memory, near him." I shook my head at the ideas I had for keeping Edward's voice alive.

"But this hand grabbed hold of me and kept trying to yank me out of it. It just wouldn't let _go_ of me...no matter how stubborn I was. No matter how much I wanted to be left alone. After all that wallowing though, I can finally say that I've been saved by myself...but more importantly...by you. You saved me from turning into a human-zombie. Yeah, the bikes and the cliff-diving were about him. But the warm sodas under the tree, the beach...the thousands of phone calls to make sure you were alive...that was all about _you_. You're my best friend and nothing could or would ever change that." I murmured, fiddling with my hands in my lap. Jacob rested his arm around my shoulder.

"I know, that probably sounded corny and lame," I said shyly. Suddenly I was aware of Jacob's arm, more so than usual. It was like the heat between his arm and my neck was white-hot...making me feel like I was being pleasantly burned, if that were even possible.

He looked up at the ceiling for a minute, definitely debating on what to say to me next. In an instant, he moved his arm from around my neck, turning to face towards me. His expression was one of pity and I could hear him suck in a breath.

"This is it, Bells. No more chasing down fake voices, trying to defy gravity, or trying to give me a stroke at the ripe old age of 16," he cocked one eyebrow, waiting for me to agree. I nodded fervently, reaching for his warm hands. He sank back against the couch and against me, with his chin overtop my head. I turned only the slightest, taking in his earthy scent, even through his clean shirt.

This was the way it was supposed to be, me & my best friend. I would learn to forget about Edward, in hopes of someday being able to live my life accordingly-maybe even going to college in a new place. The thought sliced my chest deeply, in a new area. I couldn't leave Forks; it was my home. Here with Charlie, my sick memories...and my Jacob.

"I'm so scared of trying to be normal again," I whispered as I leaned in to smell the skin on his shoulder once more. Jacob sighed heavily, intertwining our fingers together as he always did.

"You can't be normal, you know. After all that's happened to you...and especially having a wolf for a best friend...You deserve more than normal anyway," he simply stated. I smiled at his words, my lips moving against his arm. Without thinking, I moved my lips together on his shoulder, lightly kissing him. It should've been a friendly thing, a Jake & Bella thing...not to be confused with _that_.

The only problem was that in that moment, the heat from his skin burned my lips so deeply, I became achingly thirsty. My eyes grew wide at my own reaction.

Jacob turned to me, surprised at the gesture. I looked up at him, not meaning to give him the look that I did. He was my Jacob and if I were to let my thoughts wander off any more on his skin, or hair, or eyes...I could very well end the best thing I had going for me. I couldn't even fathom losing one of the only things that made me get out of bed these days. His knowing eyes left me no choice. I stood up, almost knocking into him.

"Okay, well...you know Charlie is probably going to be calling over here any minute since he knows I'm out in the middle of this storm and all." I sputtered, almost tripping over the huge pant legs I was swimming in. Jacob rolled his eyes, getting up to grab jackets.

"So...you're ready to head back out into this weather?" he jut his thumb toward the window. The rain was crashing down almost violently to the ground. The treetops were swaying back and forth, making my stomach turn from watching. We both stood staring at each other, neither really knowing what to say. Yet another impasse.

The phone rang. It was Charlie, judging by the call-waiting. Jacob picked up the receiver, cradling it with his shoulder, as he threw on his jacket.

"Black residence," he spoke into the phone, winking over at me. I shook my head, getting ready to grab the other jacket from his hand. He caught my hand and pushed me back, shaking his head at me, all while looking very alarmed.

"What happened? When? Is my dad with you? Yeah she's here. Okay, hang on," he handed me the phone as he started pacing back and forth.

"Hello?" I said.

"Bella, look, I need you to stay with Jake for a bit. Billy & I are at the hospital with the Clearwaters. Harry just had a heart-attack. He...he didn't make it. So just stay put until I come for you later on tonight, alright?" his voice was harsh, sounding like he was trying to keep it together. I nodded, and spoke clearly, "Yeah, I will. Okay dad, bye." I hung up. I could already tell Jake's face was twisted in pain before I even saw it.

He turned away from me, making sure I wouldn't see this. I went to him, hugging him as hard as I could. I knew that Harry was like another father to him as well as Billy's other best friend. Charlie wouldn't be taking this well either. I felt him try to breathe deeply to deceive me but when I felt the moisture fall on my cheek, I knew it wasn't mine. Jacob pulled away, sniffing and wiping his nose like he wasn't just crying.

It seemed almost unreal that only hours before we had seen the Clearwaters. Poor Sue, Seth & Leah, I thought. This would be hard on all of the pack and their families, but nothing would compare to their pain. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought of the sad sight...many black-haired figures, dressed in black in front of a coffin. It was maddening.

"I was supposed to go run patrol tonight," he started, "but it looks like we'll both need to stay put. I don't think Charlie would be able to handle another loss any time soon."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," I whispered quietly. I watched as he went down the hall to his bedroom, shutting his door behind him. I slid back onto the couch, closing my eyes & letting myself fade to unconsciousness. No dreams this time, just silent sleep.

When I woke, the first thing I noticed was that the storm was starting to let up, showing some of the pale lavender sky. Next, I felt the warm, itchy wool blanket laying across me. I looked down at it, seeing the colorful blocked pattern worn out and frayed along the edges. It was not usually something I would admire, but something made it really showed through. I rubbed my hand over the fabric, bringing it up to my face and inhaling the scent. This must have been one of Jacob's covers, I thought, picking up on his smell.

To my left I heard the sound of light snoring resonating over the hum of the refrigerator. It was him, sprawled out on the floor diagonally from me, holding on to the tv remote. I saw that the tv was on mute, but still on nonetheless. I hopped up, carefully pulling the remote from his hands, un-muting it. The sound of the tv sprang to life, causing both him and I to jump. He looked around panicked, but saw me hovering over him.

"Um, where you planning on a sneak-attack or something?" he asked almost humoring the idea. His brows narrowed, like he was concentrating really hard on my face. I sat back, turning the tv off. I just had to laugh at the face he was making.

"Wow, Jake! Are you hiding psychic werewolf powers from me now?" I mocked him, a smile spreading across my face. He shook his head, lying back on the floor.

Fanning out his hair, he put his arms behind his head and watched the ceiling fan spinning around. I watched him and his thoughts start to wander off again. He kept doing this and honestly, it was starting to worry me. Jacob wasn't one to sit around and think so hard.

"I'm not trying to freak you out, you know," he said, looking back over at me. I blinked. It's not _possible_ that he can read my mind, is it? He sat back up, ruffling his hands through his hair. Only then did I realize that he was starting to grow his hair out. It was getting long enough to reach past his jaw. 'His hair must grow really fast, like how they heal,' I mused. It looked better longer in my opinion, but of course my opinion didn't matter that much.

"Are you growing your hair long again?" I asked. Right away I could see this topic was of interest once his dark cheeks had a red tint to them.

"Yeah I just figured, well. I think it looks better longer...do you think so?" he quizzed. I smiled.

"I agree. But why did you just now decide to grow it back out?" I could see his cheeks flush again. It was good to know that my emotions weren't the only ones out like an open book to read.

"I thought you liked it better that way...you know...you used to play with my hair and stuff," he paused. I blushed, seeing why his hair was making him act this way. He stood up while simultaneously using his free hand to help me up.

His hand burned in mine and I knew he wasn't going to let me get away with anymore silence on the particular subject. Was there even a 'subject' to talk about? Surely, we were just very comfortable with each other. Of course I knew how Jacob felt about me; it was pretty obvious...but could I even begin to comprehend the other end of our friendship? Would it make things easier if I were to let myself give in?

I couldn't...at least I was pretty sure of it. Although I may have given up on anything I ever had with Edward, I wasn't sure that I could start something like it, up with Jacob. It could very well ruin everything we have. Jacob could do so much better than me, a basket of broken. And what if he imprinted on some other girl? What would I do then? These annoying thoughts were clouding my mind. He sighed, seeing the frustration on my face.

"You make things a lot harder on yourself," his voice calmly sweeping over me. Somehow unknowingly I ended up on Jake's bed, staring down at the same blanket from earlier. 'This is too much," I thought, pulling the blanket around me.

"This is a beautiful blanket. Did someone make it for you?" I asked, changing the subject again. He sat down next to me, eyeing me and the blanket.

"Yeah, my mom did when I was a baby. I think for my first birthday or something like that." He reached out and took my hand. "Did you want to watch that new alien movie I was talking about earlier?" he asked.

I had the feeling that he just wanted to be close to me and for that I could just scream; but I knew I would end up giving in anyway. It was too hard not to be near him. This wasn't an addiction like I had previously thought...this was what I wanted. I wanted to be close to Jacob. Maybe not as close as he'd like, but who knows what might happen in time.

First, we just needed to focus on helping our dads' through their friend's death. We moved back into the living room, a safer choice.

"Yeah, that sounds good to me," I shrugged. I sat closer to the edge of the couch while Jacob popped in the movie. He hesitated as he sat back down, seeing that I moved all the way down to the other end. He obliged, sitting as far away from me as possible, head in his hands. I eyed him suspiciously- I knew he must be trying to make me feel bad for sitting this far down, and GAH why did it matter anyway?

'He's over there, I'm over here and we're going to watch this movie that has nothing to do with any romance of any sort. Hopefully...'

Thirty minutes into the movie, I noticed Jake becoming antsy. He kept bouncing his knees really fast while looking around aimlessly. He looked a bit anxious, actually.

"Jake, everything...okay?"

"Sure, sure. I just have a lot of energy built up...it happens sometimes when I know stuff is going on around me. Sorry," he mumbled. I smiled sympathetically at him, not helping the fact by scooting down closer to him. I cursed at myself, remembering that this was what he wanted me to do. He was taken aback, but only for a moment.

He stretched his long legs out and promptly put them over mine, his face suddenly sporting a kid-like grin. My grin.

"Ugh, your legs weigh a ton!" I whined, pushing them off of me. He scooted closer until he was sitting right next to me, once again wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"And my arms?" he breathed half-heartedly into my ear. I could feel his slow intake of breath through his nose- he was smelling my hair. I felt my shoulders and possibly my left ear turn into jello. I couldn't let myself feel like this around Jake. I was a hot mess and leading him on like this was not only unfair to him, it was confusing to me.

"Yeah, all of you- all your werewolf-y muscles are pretty heavy on me. And really warm, phew!" I said, shaking off his arm then fanning myself. My heart was pounding rather loudly now. He looked down at me with that smoldering look he'd probably been trying to perfect, a smile playing at his lips.

His lips...they seemed to be dangerously close to my face and once he started bending toward me again, I thought I would have to duck. Until I felt his warm breath on my neck. I started shivering- this felt too good and it really needed to be stopped, _now_. I couldn't let myself go through this again.

'Jacob deserves more, I'm broken, what if, what if?' my thoughts kept circling around. He took my hand and started to very lightly trace something on it...I started feeling faint.

He was telling me all he wanted to say, here on my hand, without spoken words. He traced the words 'Please Bella'. I felt the tears well up again...God I was being so overdramatic about this! Why was I letting Jacob's flirting get to me now, after all the previous times?

I was supposed to be a new Bella now- a stronger person. Someone with priorities and goals and a mortal life to worry about..someone not dependent on another for life.

Jacob's breath calmed down when I said nothing. He pulled away, removing his arm from around me. His look was a mixture of sadness and defiance.

"Please don't do this Jake. I'm so, so sorry. I told you this would happen. I can't feel the same after....after what he did to me. I'll never be whole enough for you...you deserve so much more than me. You gotta stop this." I pleaded with him. I knew it sounded bad, but it was true. He stuck out his chin and grabbed my wrists almost causing marks. At least _he_ wasn't afraid of breaking me...

"Bella, don't give me that crap. You are whole the way you are. You'll get better, I promise you that. You can't just...give up because of that stupid bloodsucker making you feel unloved. That's what makes things like the cliff happen. " His eyes were swirling with wetness, threatening to expose his vulnerability; me. **  
**

"Don't you see that you won't have to do anything but be yourself? You don't have to touch me, don't have to humor my attempts at trying to 'woo' you," he smiled at the word, but his face was still looked like warm stone**. **

"Don't even have to be strong for me...damnit Bella you don't have to do a damn thing but sit there and be you. Be clumsy and sarcastic, be thoughtful and quiet at times and sometimes if you want to, you can look at me and think how it would be if we were....like _that_. It never has to happen and you can rest well knowing that I'm not going to try to force you to feel any differently." He stopped, his breath becoming hitched.

I was surprised at his tone with me- usually he only yelled when he was really mad, but this...this was different. This was hurting him more than I thought. Could I let my guard down just this once to let him be happy...just this once? Maybe.

Jacob let go of my arms quickly as if I was the one to burn him this time. He thought he'd hurt me, I inwardly thought. As if he would even contemplate the very thought.

"I'm sorry Bells, I really didn't mean to do th-" I stopped him by tracing my finger up and down his forearm. I couldn't believe I was going to do this, but if he needed to be happy, then this would be what it took. He looked down at me with a confused expression, not sure what I meant by this.

"Can we just watch this movie like old times?" I sighed contently. Still staring at me, he let his arm drop, sitting back against the couch. I slid back down, still high enough for me to put my head on his shoulder. I knew that this must be good to him, since he laid his head ontop of mine, clasping his hands around mine.

"Hey...I was thinking about how I don't get why _they_ always thought that you werewolves smelled bad," I said, my head spinning faster with each lazy word that rolled out of my mouth. It was true, his scent was so...like home. Like I belonged there.

"They think we smell bad? Ha! They smell like year-old ice cream and sickeningly sweet perfume. Like...an old broad's perfume" he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Hmm. But you always smell so...good," I murmured into his neck. I could feel the goosebumps rise on his skin, as well as mine. This was the definition of a blurry line, if ever there were one. Jacob laughed after pause, unsure of what to say. He left it as it was and continued watching the movie. This really was something else. It made me smile, seeing the effect that my breath had onhisskin this time.

I wanted to try it again...if this was the game he wanted, this was what we would play. He seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"These movies are always so dumb. I haven't seen a good horror movie since I was a kid."

"Really, so...it's been what, a few weeks?" I teased, poking him in the stomach. He scowled at me, then laughing.

"Yeah, because I'm the one who really looks like a kid. You make me feel like...like a pedophile or something...Since I'm middle-aged and whatnot," he smiled. I narrowed my eyes at him, realizing that he was for the most part right and also for the most part, a smart-ass.

"You forget that I'm older..by over a year Jake! That may not make a big difference to you, but it is to me. I'm 18 & you're a kid to me, literally. A minor...and that makes me more of the pedophile," I whispered.

" A.) Can you really look at me and tell me that I'm a minor?" he waved his hand up and down in front of his chest. "And B.) You would have to be actively pursuing me to me classified as a pedophile. I'm sorry Bella, but I don't picture you riding around in a black van looking all creepy," he snorted, sitting up straight.  
When he went to pull away his hands I held onto them. He shot me a look that warned me not to go there. But...if he would be happy if I went there...then I would.

'For you I will, Jake.' I thought. I sat back, pulling at his hands to follow me. He obeyed, opening his mouth to say something that wouldn't come out quite right.

"Look Bells, I get what you're doing here. You think you can only make me happy by pretending to be interested in me...in the _other_ way. It's not going to work though, because I know for a fact that this-" he dropped my hands, pointing between him and I "-is not what you really want, so therefore...I'm not letting you sacrifice your feelings _once again_, to make someone else feel better. You need to stop with this martyr crap, sweetheart," he finished, trying to scoot away from me.

'Oh, that DOES IT!' I thought. "You are not allowed to tell me what to do Jake! If I want to hold your hand, you're going to let me hold your hand. If I want to say things that are on my mind and that I shouldn't say, you are going to listen. If I for example, want to run my fingers through you hair-" I stopped to demonstrate, slowly winding his hair around my finger- "Let me...if it makes us feel better, then what does it matter? Just let things be how they are and don't go getting so uptight about it." I said.

To say he was shocked was an understatement. His eyes were wide, and his mouth twisted into a small 'o'. I laughed again at his expression, thinking about how round his face looked, still a cute baby-face as always...yet it matched his new muscles and extra inches of height, oddly. He shook his head is disbelief.

He got up heading toward the kitchen, stopping for a moment, and turning on his heel back towards me:

"This...this can't be right. Bella, tell me I'm dreaming...pinch me...anything." His breathing started turning ragged again. I thought about what my next move would be. Then I realized that this wasn't me just trying to make Jacob happy.

This...this was me letting myself know it was okay to be happy with him, too. We were Jacob & Bella. Bells & Jake. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend...but we were no longer just best friends. Definitely something more, but in all honesty there was no label I could give to what was going on between us. And this, most of all was what pleased me.

I thought hard about what I wanted to say, but it would just be words. I had plenty of time for words.  
I waited for him to go back into the kitchen, before I followed him. He grabbed an apple out of the refrigerator, handing it to me, while he grabbed another one. I looked at him quizzically.

"What's this for?"

"So I can keep my mouth busy from saying stupid things that won't ever get me anywhere."

I laughed quietly, taking a huge bite. The juice ran down my mouth, making me look like I was drooling...this was going swell. I wiped my chin, Jacob catching sight of my faux pas, smirked and took a dainty bite of his apple.

I approached him carefully, still biting off of my apple, this time more discreetly and not caveman-like. He was being backed up against the counter, not noticing until he bumped into it, startling him.

"Bells, come on don't do this to me...I don't think I can hold back everything much longer," he murmured, looking down at me with his brown eyes. I looked up at him, holding his gaze and defiantly biting into my apple. I wouldn't back down and I wanted to see just what he meant. This was one curious cat that was going on her ninth life...

"Oh please, Jake. I find that hard to believe. You have much more willpower than you give yourself credit for." I finished my apple, starting to turn away. He caught my elbow pulling me back towards him.

"Not when it comes to you, Isabella," he whispered my full name in my ear. My heart was racing faster than what I imagined was healthy for it. This right here, was simply intoxicating. Finding out that there was something underneath all the teasing and friendliness...it was actually more than I bargained for. I thought I would be able to pull back from him, but something kept me glued in place.

"You wouldn't do anything you'd regret, Jacob," I said softly calling him by his full first name as he had with me. He turned me back around towards him.

"You're right, I wouldn't do anything I'd regret...but I wouldn't regret any action of mine that got me closer to you." he answered in his deep husky voice. This was too much Jacob at once...too mature and looking at me with that hungry face. But I desperately needed it.

He pulled me to his chest smelling my hair and groaning at the unfairness of it all. I had to stop hurting him...this was sick on my part...I had to...

And then it didn't matter because Jacob's finger was lightly tracing my jawline, cupping my chin so that I was tilted for him to see. His eyes had only the utmost desire in them, but not for what I thought...his eyes wanted me in all my plain insanity, not just my body. He was really in love with me...and to be honest with myself, I knew it was the end of our friendship as we knew it.

"Bella, seriously, you don't have to prove anything to me," he whispered. He loved me and would wait a million years for this moment if he had to. But I wasn't cruel enough to make him wait.

"Like you have to say anything to me at all," I smiled. I dropped the core in my hand and reach up to pull his face towards mine. I froze for a second, then slowly closed my eyes, tilting my head up to meet his face. I slowly and awkwardly placed my lips on his.

The fire that burned my lips was surreal. They had to be his...lips, right? Was it possible to be engulfed by flames from someone kissing you? Jacob hadn't even kissed me back yet, still cautious at what I was doing. But after a second or two he realized I was seriously kissing him, returning my kiss with an even stronger one. His hands wrapped around my arms so easily.

We broke apart a few seconds at a time to look at each other, not being able to fully break the kiss. Neither of us could believe this was real, and that we had waited so long to let things just fall into place like this. Jacob's hands softly slid down to my waist, holding me there, not scared of going too far...not scared of breaking me. There weren't any rules to this.

His lips trailed down my jawline and to my ear. Whatever he wanted to say, he could say to me and I still probably wouldn't have been able to pay attention to it. His mouth was on my earlobe and his breath in my ear, I had to remember to breath with him.

"We have an audience.." he mumbled, slowly letting me go and turning his head toward the hallway. Pausing, it took a second for what he said to register in my mind. I followed his gaze, to where Sam, Quil, Embry & Paul were standing with some of the biggest grins and harshest frowns I had ever seen. Oh, great, I thought. Timing is everything.


	2. Chapter 2: Friends Know Best

Chapter 2: Friends Know Best

The guys' faces were too much. My shoulders dropped in defeat, knowing I'd be hearing about this later on. It probably didn't help with the news about Harry, when they came in; seeing me with Bella. 'This is a perfect example of straight-up bad timing,' I thought glaring at Quil & Embry's grins.

I looked down at Bella, shrugging my shoulders at her questioning look. At the moment, I had no idea what they were thinking...but judging by Sam & Paul's pissed-off glares, they weren't too happy at what was going on. A minute passed before anyone said anything.

"Jacob, I hate to interrupt the party, but I would appreciate it if we could speak to you...privately," Sam said, glancing between me and Bella. Quil and Embry's faces suddenly turned to stone like Paul's-this could not be good.

I felt Bella tense up next to me as she watched them too. I wasn't the only one who noticed something going on. I looked back at her, holding up my finger for her to know I'd be right back.

"It's okay Jake, I'll go find something to watch on tv," she nodded, walking back out into the living room. I heard her flop down on the couch, absently flipping through the channels.

"Alright, what's happening and where's Jared?" I asked, moving to stand by Sam.

"Jared and Paul were on their way to come by me & Emily's place, when they picked up the scent. She somehow managed to move from the beach close to the cottage. Jared's outside patrolling right now," Sam stated, looking away from me. She was at the beach? But...that's where...

"Where at on the beach?" My nostrils flared at the thought of that crazy bloodsucker being so close to Bella.

"Close to the cliffs, why?" he asked. I cussed loudly.

"Bella was there Sam, I found her on the top cliff sitting up there. If that _bitch_ would've come any closer..."

"Why the hell was Bella on the cliff?" Paul snarled. My lip curled back over my teeth at his remark. Sam motioned for Paul and Embry to join Jared's patrolling, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"She was waiting for me, but it doesn't matter. She's safe now...so now we can go take care of business. Right?" I looked at Sam, questioningly.

"Once we all went back to the trail of the female, it had washed away from the storm. The last we know, she pulled back, going further up north again," Sam concluded, looking out the window. I smashed my fist against the countertop, forgetting the damage I would cause. The tiles crumbled to powder from the sheer force of the blow.

Quil rolled his eyes at my reaction. He really had no idea, though. We only told him what would be going on because it was pretty much inevitable with Quil, due to his blood lineage- Sam made the exception. Before he knew it, he would be part of the pack. At least he knew what was coming- the rest of us couldn't have said the same.

I was really getting tired of this cat and mouse game (or more pointedly- dog & cat). It kept me from spending more time sleeping, but most importantly, it kept me from Bella. It would be nice if we could just tear into the stupid bloodsucker and be done with it. I mean yeah, it was fun to think of ripping her from limb to limb...but the sooner she was gone, the sooner Bells would be out of danger. At least from the leech.

"How's Sue doing?" I mumbled, remembering the horrible news again from earlier. Sam's face slackened; Harry dying was more unbelievable than the existence of vampires and werewolves to us. I sighed, sitting down at our kitchen table. The three of us could barely fit standing in our tiny kitchen.

"As well as expected. Chief Swan and your dad are down there right now with her, Leah & Seth. Emily just called, asking me if I could take her down to Doc's, to be with them." His voice twinged not only at Emily's name, but at Leah's too. Everyone was a big family now, especially with the recent changes.

It made it even harder on us than before. I shook my head. "I can't believe this is happening. Doc said he was fine after the tests. What happened?" I rested my forehead in my hand, looking down at the dishes on the table. "Seth said he was just making lunch for the two of them earlier. Sue and Leah were at the store when it happened. Seth had to call the Doc & them. They got him to Doc, but it was no good. He was unconscious the whole time...and then he was gone," he agonized. Quil looked down at the floor, shuffling his feet around. The silence was painful for all of us.

I cleared my throat. "So, as far as the blood-sucker, how are we going to trap her to coming here?" I asked, sending Sam into the play-by-play of our next moves. I was listening intentively to him, but I was still a million miles away. These days, everything seemed to be bittersweet...and I was sick of all the bitterness. Life was a lot easier when all the excitement I got was from hanging out with Bella and working on my car.

After Sam & Quil left to go down to meet with the Clearwaters, I slouched back into my chair. I was so exhausted that I could barely see straight, even with my excellent vision. Everything was so blurry. I could feel my head hit the table with a loud smack while I was trying to keep my eyes open.

Minutes later, I heard light footsteps coming around the corner. Bella peered into the kitchen, looking very small and very shy. Even though she was standing a few feet away, I couldn't focus on her. She pulled up the chair next to me, poking my arm.

"You look like you need some more sleep," she said quietly. I looked up at her, trying to see her face. She looked very worried.

"Aw Bells, you don't need to worry about me. I'll be okay...I just need energizing," I sat up slowly. She looked at me skeptically, almost frowning.

"Seriously, I just need to eat or something. I know Sue just went out for us a few days ago to the store. I'm sure there's still something here to feed myself with." I got up to open the refrigerator door. Bella sidestepped me, getting between me and the door. She folded her arms, with her eyebrows raised.

"And you're telling me you have enough 'energy' to fix something to eat? Just sit down and let me handle this, okay?" She tried pushing me back with her one hand and holding the fridge door open with the other. I shook my head and threw my hands up, carefully hopping up to sit on the countertop. I heard her chuckle at me.

Bella grabbed a carton of eggs and a box of pancake mix. I watched as she mixed the eggs while pouring the pancake batter into the skillet on the stove. 'This girl knows the real meaning of multi-tasking,' I mused to myself, studying her face.

Once the food was ready, I grabbed a couple of plates and the silverware. I could see her smiling out of the corner of my eye. To be honest, the fact that Bella was such a good cook, didn't help me disguise my feelings any for her. Not only that, but it was like she could read my mind and knew what I wanted.

One little-known fact about me; I loved eating breakfast food for dinner. When we were younger, me and my sisters would always beg my Dad for bacon and eggs for dinner, getting mad when he would tell us 'Not until tomorrow morning'. Just one of those weird quirks that carried over into 'pre-adulthood', I guess. Bella probably didn't realize it then, but she was only further proving my point about her.

I didn't notice just how hungry I _really_ was until I starting scarfing down all of the food in front of me, barely stopping for a sip of water. Bella snorted at my vain attempt to try to wipe the eggs from around my mouth. I heard her sigh, as she stirred her food around on her plate.

"Something wrong?" I asked, gulping down my glass of water. She chewed on her lip, like she always did when she was deep in thought.

"I just keep thinking about her...about Victoria coming after me. It scares the hell out of me, honestly." She dropped her fork, her voice shaking. I put my hand over hers, to warm her sudden shivering.

"Bells, I won't let anything happen to you- I swear. You just have to put more faith in us than that. We have it covered; she won't get around us to you," I said, looking her in the eyes. She nodded as she attempted to eat her food.

"Did Sam say anything else about finding her?" she asked, sounding braver than her face gave away. I didn't want to say anything to upset her any more, but if she wanted to be prepared and know what was going on, who was I to not give her the answer to her question?

"Yeah he did. They tracked her scent to the beach earlier today. They said that she was around the cliffs somewhere, but they followed the smell all the way back up to the Canadian border. She seems to keep going back and forth to that spot," I said, seeing how Bella froze with her fork in mid-bite.

"What?!?" she screeched, with her mouth full of pancake. If she didn't look so scared, I would've thought her expression was kind of humorous.

"Jake, I really don't like the thought of all you guys trying to take her out like this. You have no idea what she's capable of," Bella said, her voice on edge. This time, I snorted. 'As if I didn't know how to kill a filthy bloodsucker,' I thought.

"Um, Bells? You seem to forget that I'm a werewolf. That's what we're made for; to kill vampires. And I don't mean that figuratively, either," I said, rolling my eyes at her. We sat in silence, keeping our remaining thoughts about Victoria to ourselves. No point in arguing, really. I got up and took both my plate and Bella's, rinsing them off in the sink.

Bella walked back into the living room, curling up on the far end of the couch. I sat down in front of her, facing away towards the window and tv again. I didn't bother turning it on, especially once I heard Bella's breathing start to slow down to a sleeping pace.

I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated at everything that had been going on recently. Sometimes, I just wanted to go back to what it was like before I found out I was a werewolf. Bella and I would probably be hanging out working on homework or something dumb like that...instead of her being in constant danger. It was fun to chase down the vampires, but not when all I could think about was keeping Bella safe from them. And then to find out that she's in love with one? It made me so furious that I could explode...literally.

I know that love can be pretty irrational and all, but that's just sickening to me. 'If he has any brain left in his rotting head, he will stay the hell away from her,' I thought, remembering how Sam made me see Bella in my mind, when I first changed.

She was curled up, wet from a nightfall of rain, on the ground in the forest. She was paler than normal, with no expression on her face. It was the most gut-wrenching thing I had ever seen before. The creepiest part was that she seemed dead, only with her eyes open and breathing. She wouldn't move, wouldn't look at him to see who was calling for her. To think that she still loves that bastard when I'm the one who stuck around even when I wasn't supposed to...

But even so, Bella keeps wanting to be around me. She keeps worrying about me being okay, about trying to keep me from getting hurt. She's even been trying to fool herself into wanting to be with me, all because she thinks it will make me happy. These are all things that you only do when you really love someone.

The sad part is that even though I know it, she can't figure it out. All the times that she's let me hold her hand, hug her, even being close enough to kiss...she thinks that's just 'how we are,' I'm sure. She could be so stubborn and I would know.

I knew from the first time I saw her pull up in the truck, that this was going to be it for me. She was it and I would be ruined for any other girl. Maybe that's why I got so attached at first. Yeah, she had that 'damsel in distress' quality about her, but that wasn't what drew me in.

Her smile, when she decided to show it- it was killer. There were things like her sense of humor, her overall gorgeousness, even her clumsiness- they were part of it too...but that wasn't all. There were so many things that I learned about her just by watching her as she listened to me talk. Just in that first day, alone. She was always thinking to herself and it was _always_ clear to me whatever she was thinking about. That's why it's been so easy for me to pick up on things about her that she probably doesn't realize I notice. Like the way that she constantly looks over her shoulder, like she's waiting for something to happen. Or when she ends up brushing against me or touching me, how it still amazes her how warm I am.

A while back, when I made the statement that Bella doesn't like to listen to music, she looked at me like I was reading her thoughts. That made me feel good. Little things like that are so easy to notice when you're constantly looking at someone. I couldn't help it though...if I didn't, then there may be a chance that she'd leave & never come back.

I twisted my head to look at her behind me. One of her arms were behind her head while the other hung awkwardly off the edge of the couch. She didn't look very comfortable sleeping like that. I stood up, scooping her up as lightly as possible and carrying her to my bed. 'This was not what I imagined when I saw this in my head,' I thought, leaning down to place her on the mattress.

I grabbed my blanket and covered her up with it. She rolled over in her sleep to face the wall and I fought back a smile as she started mumbling incoherently in her sleep. She looked so peaceful while she slept, it was unreal. Her eyebrows were relaxed and there were no frown lines on her at all. She looked almost happy...which made her even more beautiful. I sat at her feet, leaning back against the wall, letting my eyes close for a few minutes. I could hear the wind still howling around outside my window, causing our lights to flicker some.

The next thing I knew, Dad was shaking my arm like crazy, telling me to get out of the room because Charlie was outside waiting for Bella. He wheeled himself out, giving me that look that I knew so well. The you-better-move-your-ass look. I walked down our hallway to see Charlie opening our front door, soaked. I snuck into the bathroom pretending to just now walk into my room, trying to wake her up.

"Bells," I hissed, shoving her leg over. She picked her head up from my pillow grumpy and dazed-looking, kicking me in my leg- probably pretty hard. I chuckled at her weak attempt to budge me, making her pout.

"Bella, it's time to go home. I've gotta get up and work the morning shift later," Charlie called out. She tried to stand up too fast, causing her to topple over me; luckily I had great reflexes and caught her. 'She really is a total klutz', I thought as I smirked at her. She mumbled her goodbyes to me, turning at the last second to grab my hand. Well, this was surely a first.

"Jake, I'll call you tomorrow...or later on I guess. I'm so sorry about Harry," she squeaked, as she dropped my hand. I nodded, not wanting to think about it. She waved and followed Charlie out to his cruiser. After a few moments had passed, I walked into my Dad's room, asking him if he needed anything before I went to bed. He wheeled himself over to the window, watching Charlie drive them home.

I could tell from his face that he was thinking hard about what had happened today with Harry. I sat down on his bed, cross-legged, waiting for him to talk. When he heard me sit down on the old mattress, he turned to face me, searching for words. "Dad, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to," I quickly said, seeing him nodd in agreeance.

"So what's the deal with you and Bella, son?" he asked, quickly changing the subject matter. I shrugged, focusing on the floorboards underneath his chair.

"Nothing new, I guess. She's just Bells, you know. She refuses to accept what happened with...that..asshole. And that's pretty much where it's at right now," I mumbled. I didn't like to talk to him about this kind of stuff; not because it made me uncomfortable, but because Billy always had something wise to say. And I didn't always like the wise-old advise he decided to dole out, either.

"You keeping an eye on her though, right?" he warned. I laughed at the idea of not having to keep an eye on her, vampires or no vampires. "Yeah, of course," I stated. He nodded, understanding.

"Alright Jake, your old man's going to hit the hay. You getting some sleep, too?" he asked, as he managed to swing himself onto the low-set bed. "We'll see," I said, noticing that I didn't hear anymore rain or wind outside. I left him to rest up, knowing tomorrow would be a long day for all of us at the reservation.

While walking to do my final check outside, I heard the pack howling. Instantly without thinking, I phased, running toward them. They were about six miles into the thick of the forest right over the La Push boundaries, sniffing out a scent based on what they were telling me.

"_Jake, we picked up another female's scent in this area_." Sam thought. The others were tracing her steps back towards Forks, while Sam gave me the latest of what was happening.

According to him, they hadn't tracked the redhead's scent since the last time they all got together. Paul was getting ready to phase back when he picked up the scent of another vampire- another female. What confused him was that it wasn't the same one. They all followed it to the densest part of the forest, where it stopped. I listened intently, suggesting that we keep on the patrol at Bella's tonight, just in case. Minutes later, I was in the shadows underneath her window.

For the first time, I was actually worried that the crazy bloodsucker would come back to try to hurt Bella. Something about a new scent bothered me...to the point that I was obsessed with staying by Bella to make sure she was okay. 'That's it,' I thought as I watched the light go out in her room. 'I'm not leaving her side until the vampire is dead.' With this in mind, I prepared for the long haul; no sleep for the wicked...so no sleep for me either.


	3. Chapter 3: Scar Memory

Chapter 3: Scar Memory

I pulled my sweatshirt over my head, dragging myself to the closet for my sneakers. It was already Monday and I was exhausted from the night before, from tossing and turning in my sleep. Luckily for me, there were no new dreams to be had- just more dreamless sleep.

I grabbed my book bag and headed downstairs for a quick bowl of cereal before school. As I made it to the bottom of the steps, I heard Charlie laughing in the kitchen.

Curious, I peeked around the corner to see Charlie sitting at the table, with his newspaper in hand. In front of him, Jake was leaning against the wall, laughing along with him.

"Yeah, he was always saying something like that to my dad. He called you guys the 'Geezers,'" he chuckled, looking over towards me. His smile faded to an amused smirk as he watched me raise my eyebrows. I dropped my bag and walked past him into the kitchen, making my breakfast.

"Hey Bells." Jacob exclaimed, sarcastically. I grabbed my bowl of cereal and sat down across from Charlie.

"Hey Jake," I said, looking over at him. Charlie looked between us skeptically as he folded up his paper and grabbed his cup of coffee. "Have a good day Bells," he murmured, as he kissed my head. I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you too, bye."

Jacob took Charlie's spot, leaning the chair back while peeling a banana. He looked at me, smiling like he knew something that I didn't. I continued to eat my cereal, ignoring his gaze at me.

"Aren't you going to ask me what I'm doing here?" he laughed, gulping down the fruit in three huge bites.

"I give up Jacob, why are you here?" I retorted, still grumpy about being up so early. He shook his head at me, throwing the banana peel into the trash can as if he were making a shot. It went in perfectly of course, me rolling my eyes.

"You can just call me your new bodyguard," he raised up his left bicep, kissing it mockingly. I laughed at this, causing my food to almost fly out of my mouth.

"Yeah, okay. So why are you my new bodyguard?" I teased, finally letting go of my moodiness. Jacob sighed, scrunching up his face.

"You're not going to like this...but I need to keep a closer watch on you. Last night we picked up the trail of a new female bloodsucker, just outside our land. She was winding her way by Forks. And yeah, it's not the same one as the redhead," he said, carefully studying my face.

"A new one? As in there are now two of them coming after me?" I slowly repeated. Jacob nodded.

"Wow...I should really stop eating in front of you. You always seem to give me bad news when I do..." I muttered to myself, slouching back in the chair. I heard him try to stifle a laugh.

"We just need to be even more careful now, since we're not sure about the second vampire. She's not trying to find a way in, she seems to know exactly where she needs to go," he said, getting up. I took my bowl to rinse it out and turned back towards him, leaning up against the counter to hold myself steady. I almost felt hopeless at the idea of making it out alive. But, I trusted in what Jake said about keeping me safe, so the hole in my chest wasn't growing any at least.

"Okay, so what does this mean as far as you being here bright and early today?" I asked. Jacob looked at me as though I were slow to catch on. "Remember what I said about the bodyguard thing? That's why I'm here. I'll be taking you to and from school until we find the bloodsuckers and take care of them," he stated as-a-matter-of-factly. I stared hard at him.

There was no way I was going to be babysat even more now, just because of another vampire! This was getting really old, really fast. I'd have to stop this train dead on it's tracks.

"Um, no Jake. I don't think that's entirely necessary," I said, grabbing my bookbag and jacket.

"Um, yeah Bells...it is. I need to be able to keep an eye on you more. Just to and from school. I promise I won't bother you any more than that. Well...I might do a few more patrolling rounds around your house...but you won't notice me out there." Jake said quickly, picking up the pace as he followed me out the door. I took my truck key out of my pocket but before I could make it to the driver's side, he snatched them out of my hand.

"Nope, I'm driving, like I said."

"Like hell you are!" I yelled, trying to take the keys back. He held them high up in the air knowing damn well that I couldn't reach them. I felt my face grow hotter by the second.

"Bella, I told you this is just until we find her. After that, _you_ can drive 'Ol Grampa here if you want," he sighed looking exasperated with me.

"Jacob Black, you better give me my keys back or _so_ help me God!" I hissed, thinking how completely unfair he was being. He shook his head, his eyes narrowing at me. I huffed, digging out my phone from my pocket. I flipped it opened and started dialing a number.

"Angela? Hey, it's Bella....I'm good. Yeah, really. Listen, do you think you can-" Jake grabbed my phone, hanging up on Angela. I was absolutely livid and by the looks of it, so was he.

"Who the HELL do you think you are?" I shrieked, wretching my cell phone from him.

"What the hell do _you_ think _you're_ doing? I told you I would be driving...so I'm not sure where the misunderstanding came from," he hissed, pulling open my driver side door and hopping in.

"Bella, I'm taking your truck...so you may want to jump in," he said, sounding like he was trying to calm himself down. I stood in my spot, not moving an inch.

"Do you want me to call Charlie and tell him that you're attempting grand theft auto?" I asked innocently, opening the passenger door. His face contorted into a sneer.

"Would you like me to tell Charlie the Cullens' dirty little secret?" he asked, his words feeling like a physical blow to my gut.

I could feel the tears well up in my eyes as I shook my head in shock and shut the door. He slammed his door shut, bringing my truck's engine to life. I could tell out of the corner of my eye that he was looking at me. 'Whatever he wanted to say to me would fall on deaf ears at this point,' I thought, pulling my arms tightly around me. He let out a deep breath, keeping his eyes focused on the road. I couldn't believe that he really felt this was all necessary, becoming my practical watch-dog. Not only that, but I really couldn't believe he had the nerve to say something like that about...them....to me. It still stung a few minutes later when I saw the school coming in sight.

"Jacob, you can let me out right here," I said, my voice thick with anger. He ignored me.

"You know, I knew this whole thing was a bad idea. It was a mistake to even...think like that." I turned to face him. He looked at me unsure of what I meant.

Could I really take back what had happened yesterday before the guys showed up? I wasn't sure, but I knew that I was greatly annoyed with him and this made it easier to lie to him about it.

"What was a bad idea, Bella? To be my friend? To let yourself be happy again?" he guessed.

"No, I mean yesterday was a mistake. I gave you the wrong idea and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you...that was a big mistake on my part." I sneaked a look at him. He stopped the car since we were in front of the high school now.

"Well, you can't change however you feel Bella. So if you didn't want to kiss me, then yeah...that was a big mistake," he started, still not looking at me. "Now, I don't know if you're just saying all that because you're in a pissy mood with me or what...but you know how I feel about the situation. If you for one second even thought that you wanted to kiss me...it wasn't a mistake. I'll be back to pick you up at two." he said quietly, waiting for me to get out of the truck. I started to say something, but got caught on the words.

"Just leave my truck here so that I can drive home," was all that would come out.

"No," he whispered defiantly.

I slammed the door and made my way up the steps, not once looking behind me.

_See the __stone HYPERLINK \l ""__set in your eyes  
See the thorn twist in your side  
I wait for you..._

_Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
On a __bed HYPERLINK \l ""__of nails she makes me wait  
And I wait without you..._

_With or without you...  
With or without you..._

Once I was in homeroom with Angela, she nudged me with her foot.

"What happened earlier?" she whispered, pulling her binder out. I lied, telling her that I dropped the phone and couldn't get it to turn back on; which sounded exactly like something I'd do. She accepted this and began writing down notes from the board.

I couldn't concentrate in homeroom. Or in any of the other four classes during the day. All I could think about was just how _mad_ I was with Jacob. He had _no_ right to talk to me like I was a child...if anyone was being a child, it'd be him.

I was also inwardly angry with myself over putting Jacob's feelings through the wringer by kissing him yesterday. I knew I wasn't good enough for him, yet I had to be so foolish and so selfish with his intentions. It was too difficult for even me to understand- what was going on between us. 'It's no longer a good idea to be around him so much, practically stringing him along,' I thought, doodling on my notebook instead of writing down the review for our next test. I'd just grab it from someone else, anyway.

As the end of my last class neared, I started feeling a heaviness in my chest and stomach. I had never dreaded seeing Jacob before, but needless to say, I felt horrible. Maybe I was being a little over-dramatic about my extended time with him; maybe I wasn't. Either way I wasn't going to let it go so easy. I knew I'd be miserable feeling like I was constantly being watched. I was way to stubborn for all that.

I was slow to gather my stuff together once the bell rang, leaving me with no extra time before facing Jake again. I walked down the hallway feeling like I was getting ready to executed or something. I was mad at Jacob...so why did I feel so guilty about everything? This all made the walk to the front doors that much harder.

I pulled my hood over my head, seeing that surprise-surprise, it was raining outside. I scanned the parking lot for my truck. Not seeing it, I pulled out my phone getting ready to call Jacob. Most of the kids were at their cars or hopping on their bus when I finally heard my truck growling dead-center in front of the steps up to the school.

Jacob was sitting in the driver's seat with his arm hanging out the side, staring straight ahead. I scowled, trudging down the steps and threw open my door. Although I was trying to stay mad and prove my point, I couldn't help but look over at him.

He looked _completely_ worn out. His thin blue t-shirt was soaked, as well as his hair and jeans. He didn't bother saying anything to me as he pulled away from the school. Now I felt awful, knowing that he was probably spending all his time trying to make sure that I would live to see another painful day.

I was mad all over again; except this time, I was mad at myself. I couldn't stay mad at him for trying to make me safe. I mean okay, he was rude this morning...but that was because I started it. Although I did _not_ want to have to be babysat, I didn't want him to be mad at me either.

"Jake?" I whispered.

"Hm?" he replied, loosening his grip on the steering wheel.

"Look, I'm really sorry about earlier. I just don't like being babied by everyone. It makes me feel like...well, a baby." I spoke slowly, not trying to offend him. He nodded, still not looking at me. I was getting anxious for him to at least glance at me. After a few minutes of riding in silence, he finally spoke up.

"While I understand that you want to wear your big girl pants-" he paused to look at my indignant expression,

"-you need to let us deal with this however we feel is right. And I feel like spending more time with you is what's right," he broke off, realizing how it sounded. I bit my lip in surprise to this. His eyes narrowed in concentration, back out on the road.

_Through the __storm HYPERLINK \l ""__we reach the shore  
You give it all but I want more  
And Im waiting for you..._

_With or without you...  
With or without you...  
I cant live  
With or without you..._

Jacob straigtened up, clearing his throat. The right side of my mouth turned up into a sideways-smile.

"I did need to ask you something, though," he said, glancing back over at me, obviously hoping for no more arguing with me.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Would you mind coming and staying at La Push this weekend? You can stay at Emily's with her, if you want. I think it would be easier on us and safer for you if you were at the rez, just in case," he asked, waiting for my reaction. I sighed, knowing that he just _wasn't_ going to let this go.

"I suppose so, but I'd have to make sure Charlie's okay with it first. And Emily has no problem with me staying over there?" I asked, looking down at my hands.

I was still ashamed at myself for saying what I said to him earlier. Even if it was or wasn't true, I shouldn't have said anything...especially just to spite Jacob. I was getting angrier at myself the more I thought about it. No matter what I did or said, it seemed like I was always pushing his buttons, or even worse, hurting him. It used to be so much easier before. I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the window.

"Actually, I think Emily's looking forward to it," he replied, starting to smile at my surprise.

"Oh...well that's good then. I'll just ask Charlie later on tonight." We pulled up to my house a minute later.

Jake turned towards me, taking my hand before I was even able to open the door.

"Just, be careful when I'm not around, okay?" he said with a thousand more words in his eyes. He turned the engine off, tossing me the keys and shutting the door, before running off towards the forest.

"Okay Jake..." I whispered as if he could still hear me. I walked into the house waving at Charlie who was in front of the tv, before taking my stuff back up to my room. I flicked the light on and threw myself down on my bed, feeling like I was going to cry. 'Oh this is just ridiculous,' I thought to myself as the first couple of tears slid from my eyes. I wasn't even sure why exactly I was crying!

Convinced that I really was losing it, I clutched my pillow to my chest as hard as I could. Downstairs, I could hear a loud commercial on the tv, for a new movie coming out next week. In it, I heard the familiar tune of one of my favorite classics; Clair De Lune. My eyes opened wide from the pain of the hole in my chest becoming inflammed.

"No, please no..." I sobbed quietly, betraying myself by envisioning Edward's face as nervously looking at me, telling me that Debussy was one of favorites.

More and more memories of Edward looking deeply into my eyes swirled in my mind. The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was him telling me that I 'was his life now.'

The rest of the week skidded by uneventfully. Every morning, Jake would be downstairs talking with Charlie or watching tv, waiting to take me to school. More noteably though, not once did Charlie ever ask about this new change in my schedule. He would just look at us, intrigued as ever and go off to work right before we left.

Jacob and I wouldn't say much to each other on the ride there, letting our words from Monday still hang in the air. I still hadn't decided if I really thought kissing him was a mistake. At this point, it seemed like it. Now, we hardly talked or laughed about anything. He would give me the update on the 'vampire' front, telling me that they haven't found wrong so much as a broken twig. While this did lift my mood some, I couldn't get my hopes up.

Who knew what Victoria had planned for me? Apparently it was so despicable- that even Laurent couldn't utter a word of it to me.

Nothing changed at school, of course. Life still goes on around here, even when you're in mortal danger. There were still assigments to do, people to talk with, lunch to eat. Although I could never keep my life outside these walls...._outside_....I could participate in my friend's conversations without giving myself away.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was actually looking forward to hanging out with another girl this weekend. I asked Charlie sometime on Wednesday if he minded me staying the weekend over at Emily's. At first, he was very skeptical about it, even calling to ask Billy if Jacob had been sneaking out lately. Billy of course made up some excuse about Jacob doing yardwork all weekend, helping him out. Charlie seemed satisfied enough, later on telling me that I could, but just to make sure I got any work I had to do done while I was there. Knowing that I'd probably work on my weekend homework as soon as I got to Emily's to get it out of the way, I agreed.

Jacob picked me up as usual, watching me closely as I got into my own truck. He looked anxious.

"Jake, you alright?" I asked, immediately starting to worry.

He smiled and shook head quickly; "Sorry, I'm just spazzing out or something," he laughed, looking completely carefree. His mood was very surprising and very infectious. I smiled and stuck my arm outside the window, letting the air catch my hand. I looked at him waiting for him to say something more. He laughed nervously again, shrugging.

"Everything just seems to be better today...I dunno. Did I tell you that submitted one of my carvings to our school's Arts and Crafts director?-" he paused, ignoring my confusion.

"He was getting all amped about it and submitted it to the council yesterday. They've been trying to find a life-sized carving to go up at the entrance to the Rez...and they want to use mine!" he said proudly. I cocked my head to the side.

"What carvings? You carve stuff?" I asked, not understanding. Jacob turned a deep red, nodding. "Well, yeah...I guess I didn't tell you then?" he said breathlessly. "Nope," I smiled, feeling a little amazed myself, at this new side of Jacob. Not only was he a pro-mechanic, it seemed he was crafty too. I felt proud to be best friends with such a person.

_My hands are tied  
My body bruised, shes got me with  
Nothing to win and  
Nothing left to lose_

And you give yourself away...  
And you give yourself away...  
And you give  
And you give  
And you give yourself away...

With or without you...  
With or without you...  
I cant live  
With or without you...

"Sorry, it's not something I go blabbing my mouth off about. My dad showed me how to when I was little. I had some spare time before...the phasing. Dad suggested me entering it in the contest for a new 'tribal guide', but I didn't think it was nearly good enough for all that. But Abe Meadows- an art teacher I guess you could say, at the Rez- he thought it was great."

"Wow, Jacob, that's awesome! So this is kinda like a big deal with the council, then?" I asked, patting his hand on the gear-shift. His hand was burning up, as always. He grinned.

"Hey, you mind if I turn on the radio? It's just one of those days, you know?" he asked me. I bit my lip and thought about it for a second. "Yeah, just nothing sad or slow, okay?" I winced.

He turned the dial until it came to our local alternative station. I was surprised that he knew the station by heart, but was even more surprised when he started singing along to a song by the White Stripes. They were a band I used to listen to on occasion, back in Phoenix. I eyed him carefully as he sang all the words very off-key. He looked at me, turning deep red again and laughed.

"Sorry, I shouldn't subject you to such torture like that," he smiled again and started humming instead. I started humming along with him this time, him staring at me like I was crazy.

"You know the White Stripes?" he asked intrigued. I responded by singing the chorus- him joining in towards the end. It almost felt like something out of a movie. Except that our screeching couldn't really pass for singing. I closed my eyes, bobbing my head along with song.

We started winding down the highway that lead to the reservation, the song ending abruptly. I turned my radio down, tracing my finger along the jagged edges around it. Jacob had put an old stock radio into the truck for me, after he mentioned it looked like I ripped the other one out. My smile faded into a straight line, remembering the night that Emmett had put the previous radio in. I couldn't keep doing this to myself though...obsessively thinking about them like that.

After months of debating, I had finally convinced myself that the Cullens were no dream; they _had_ existed in my life before, but they decided to move on without me. _He_ decided to move on without me. And for this, I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to see things the same way. A radio was no longer a radio. The forest was no longer just trees and ground. Myths and legends, they were all real now. In fact, I was starting to believe that there were probably other things in this world that truly existed, too.

After what seemed like forever, we were driving down the road that led to the entryway of the reservation. There, to the left of the sign, was an intricately carved, large, wooden wolf. It was positioned as if it were howling at the moon in the sky. I gasped as we drove past it, in disbelief that this beautiful piece of work came from Jacob. He watched as I turned around to keep looking at it as we drove into the reservation. I whipped my head back at him with my jaw dropped.

"Holy crap Jake! That was awesome! How in the world? Just....wow," I stammered, searching for the right words. He looked pleased with my appreciation and grinned as he tucked his hair behind his ear. I looked at him, still in awe of his talent.

We arrived at Emily's cottage to the wafting smell of some sort of pie. I could practically hear Jake drooling. We walked into the small kitchen where Emily was standing, cutting an enormous apple pie. She looked up at us and smiled, beckoning for us to come in.

"I can't stay too long Emily, I have stuff I gotta go take care of," Jacob said, tossing me my keys back.

"You won't have a slice of pie real quick?" she leaned in, as if the pie were a secret to everyone else. He glanced back at the plate she just made, filled with a huge slice and a fork.

"Well, okay, maybe. But I need to hurry up." He took the plate, thanking her and started to shovel it in his mouth. I couldn't get over how fast and how much these guys ate now.

"Would you like a slice too, Bella?" she asked me politely.

"Yes please, but only a small piece." She handed me a fork for my slice, as well as a napkin.

I sat down at the small table, eating my pie and listening to Emily talk to Jacob about the upcoming funeral for Harry. From what I gathered, they were going to have a traditional Quileute ritual done as well as a normal funeral.

"Alright, I really gotta go now. I'll see you ladies later," Jacob mumbled through a mouth of pie.

"Be careful Jacob," were Emily's only words.

"Bye Jake," I said sounding more cheerful than I probably should have. He smirked at me, pausing to ruffle my hair, before hopping over their small sofa to run out the door. Emily & I both shook our heads at him. She moved quickly, taking my plate and fork away towards the sink.

"Emily, you don't have to do that. I was actually gonna see if maybe you wanted my help with washing the dishes or anything else. I mean, since I'll be here all weekend." I saw the unscarred side of her face turn up into a smile.

"You want me to put you to work?" she laughed, pointing to the sink full of dishes. I nodded quickly, joining her side. 'Anything to put my mind to would do the job,' I thought.

"You are my guest, I'm not going to make you do chores...yet," she laughed again. She seemed very content right now, despite the fact that we both knew that in the backs of our minds, we would be very worried about the pack.

"I'd like to help out though. I'm pretty efficient at doing chores and all." I replied, rolling up my sleeves to help her with the dishes.

"Okay, you win. Let's see...how about you wash and I'll dry, since I know where everything goes?" she asked, handing me a rag. I smiled in return, glad to be able to relax and not have to think about homework. Or other things...I soaped up the many plates that were in the sink, washing them as I went. Emily was wiping down her countertops with a sponge, stopping to pull her hair back into beautiful leather strap hair-tie- I couldn't help but admire it. I cleared my throat once I realized I was staring.

"I like your hair-tie. Where do you go about finding some like it?" I asked her.

"Here, I'll show you," she said with a laugh, pulling me into their small hallway where she pulled a box out of a small chest. There were raw straps of leather and beautiful turquoise beads and stones in it.

I was starting to feel put out, being surrounded by such talented people. 'The only thing that I'm good at is getting myself almost killed. If that's not a bad omen, I don't know what is,' I thought, pulling out one of the shiny stones to examine it.

"You make this stuff?" I asked, the answer being obvious. She nodded, closing the box up.

"At the reservation I grew up on we were all taught to learn a useful craft. This is mine...or it was. I haven't made jewelry or anything lately," she answered.

"That's really cool, though. God, I wish I could make gorgeous jewelry, or carve stuff out of wood...not that I really wear jewelry that much." I said, following her back into the kitchen. I started rinsing off the dishes, listening to Emily hum some songs.

"So I guess Jacob told you about his carving?" Emily asked, after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah, just now. I had no idea he was a, uh, carver," I paused, trying to think of the right word.

"Yes, he's very good at it, too. He didn't come around here until after his phasing started, but everyone in the pack knew about it. It's a great honor for the council members to ask to use his carving." she smiled, placing the dry plates in their cabinet. I could feel myself swell up with pride for Jake- afterall, he deserved it.

The look on my face must've been mirroring how I felt, once I noticed her smirking at me. I was pretty sure that that's what she was doing, but the way her mouth puckered to the one side, it was hard to say. I suddenly felt a sharp stab in my chest when I remembered about her scars. Even though they were very evident, it was easy to forget about them because of her naturally sweet personality. It made her even more beautiful. This led me to think about how lucky I thought her to be, in a way, because her scars were on the outside. Everyone knew not to ask questions, speak about it, mention it...

But when all of your bad scars were on the inside, no one knew not to say anything about them. No one knew not to mention a name, a family. No one knew that your scars were there and that they would always remember _everything_. I sighed, scrubbing hard on a pot.

"Penny for your thoughts," Emily said, quietly. She turned to face me full-on, with a knowing look in her eyes. Hesitantly, I asked a question in turn.

"Do you tell Sam everything? I mean, if I wanted to talk to you about something that I may not want him to know?" She thought about for a second, then started drying the rest of the plates.

"I usually do tell him everything. But if you want to talk and you don't want him to know about it, that's fine. Honestly, it would be nice to have another female point of view on things. The pack all seem to share the same thoughts, just expressing them in their own individuality. But you and I are objective, here. So, I'm all ears." she replied, taking a paper-towel to some of the water dripping on her floor. At that moment, I knew she was absolutely right. We were both in the same boat, in few ways. We were constantly worried about the guys and would do anything for our_ own _guys.

"I have had a lot on my mind lately. The whole Victoria thing is worrying me, as well as other things. I just get really confused about things sometimes. I wish my life wasn't so complicated," I said, rinsing off the last pot. She nodded, as if she knew exactly what I meant.

"It can be very tough in the beginning, to get used to them running around and risking their lives all the time...but it's their duty. At least, the way they see it," she started, drying the pot I just rinsed. We both turned to go sit down in the living room.

"I really don't mean to pry, but I was wondering what was going on between you and him." she said. I could feel all the color rush to my cheeks in an instant, me stammering to answer her.

"We, uh, well um, I don't really know. He's starting to get on my bad side with all this constant vigilence over me crap but-" she cocked her head to the side and then stopped me before I kept blabbing on.

"Oh, I'm sorry... I actually meant you and Edward Cullen," she said politely. Now, all the color had washed from my face, leaving me ghostly white. I didn't think I had the heart to speak to someone about Edward, especially not someone I didn't know all that well. Emily quickly realized her mistake, patting me on my arm.

"I'm really sorry Bella! I didn't mean to just blurt that out. It must be very hard for you to talk about that. Wow, I'm such an idiot." She shook her head, looking down at the floor.

"S'okay," I muttered. "-you just threw me for a loop, is all." I tried to smile back at her, but it was pointless. She'd spoken _his_ name and now it would be on the tip of my tongue for the rest of the evening. I could feel her watching me, as I looked out their front window.

"I know we don't know each other very well Bella, but I am a girl- and unlike everyone else around here...I would be here to listen to _that_ side of the story, if you'd like," she spoke quietly as she folded up the blankets that were strewn across the room. I looked at her, unsure of what to say to that. Her voice was soft, but thick with implications.

How much did she know about what had happened to Edward? How much did anyone know? Though I wanted to be cautious with my words, I thought about what she said for a minute, about being a girl too. She was right, obviously about the female part, but she seemed to know what the _story_ was & what the other side entailed. No matter how much I could try to make everyone listen around here, no one would hear the bittersweet parts about Edward. They would only hear my confused feelings for Jacob, their loyalty falling to him. I bit my lip.

Suddenly smiling at the honesty I was able to free myself with, I began to tell her my story.

"Once upon a time, I moved to one of the rainiest places in the country- Forks, Washington..." she laughed, listening to my recalling Edward's ridiculous repulsion with me, the first time I sat next to him. I told her about my suspicions of him, his moodiness around me, the way I couldn't take my eyes off of him, not ever. She listened to it all, sitting next to me, with her chin in her palm as if I were reading her a bedtime story.

At some parts she would giggle; like when I explained how Edward would make my heart race so fast and how embarassed I got of it. Sometimes I would see her eyes look like she was a million miles away, like when I told her about the day in the meadow. She never stopped to interrupt me, to call him names, or to ask questions. Finally, I got to the part where Edward took me to the forest; the last time I ever saw him.

I felt like I had reached the end credits of my life, recalling this last detail. My eyes were not the only ones full of tears at this point. I stubbornly wiped my face, not wanting to seem like a total depression. Emily copied me.

She eyed me for a minute, waiting to see if I finished. I half-heartedly smiled at her, still wiping away my tears.

"Bella, that sounds so...surreal. As if it were a very well-written play, almost. How do you bear it?" she asked in a whisper. I shrugged my shoulders, not able to answer what I myself did not know.

"It doesn't matter now...he's gone. He's _not_ coming back, much less coming back for _me_." I muttered, still bitter at the whole situation.

"I understand that this must be hell for you to go through...but there must be some way to move along from him?" she asked. I shook my head, knowing in my heart, I would never truly be over Edward. He wasn't something one could _get_ over. She sighed, patting my knee.

"I see." Emily was quiet for a few minutes before talking again.

"You know, the past is the past. It helps us learn with our future. Edward may be a fine fantasy to think about, but if you feel he won't return, then that's all he is at this point. A fantasy....I remember those days," she spoke in her soft, forgiving voice. It was almost like a smack to my face; but she was absolutely right. He was just a fantasy now. He did exist, but not with me anymore...I was intrigued at her words.

"Those days?" I questioned her. A grin broke out on her marred face, as she started nodding slowly.

"Before Sam and I happened, I had other guys I was attacted to, back at our rez. Plenty in fact! Even so, there was only one boy that I would have ever pictured myself with then. Benjamin- he was like everything to me. I was working at our local flea market, just to bring in a little extra money for my supplies and all. I had just turned 16, so it was my first job- I was so nervous! I had to work the front of the building, assisting people with anything they needed, answering questions, that kind of thing. I was there for probably three or four hours when I first met him. He was the kind of gorgeous that made you so mad at yourself for paling in comparison." she started, shaking her head at the last part. I felt old memories rise up from her last statement.

"He was a little taller than I was, in good shape and had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. They were almost turquoise- I have still yet to see any color like them. He was pretending to sift through some stuff in a bin when I walked past him. I asked if he needed any help, which he of course said 'yes' to. He asked me what aisles ten different things were on; and when I started having trouble remembering, he laughed at me.

The next thing I know, he's holding up his pricetag-gun, welcoming me to the store. After that, we were inseperable for the rest of the summer. We went everywhere together. On dates, with friends, to sneak into each other's rooms..." she giggled as my eyes opened wide in shock at this. I hadn't really pegged Emily as the wild type.

"Later on down the road, I started noticing that he was late for school a lot. He forgot to call me after work, sometimes forgetting me altogether- for days at a time. His temper would flare up easily, he always looked exhausted and he was so..._moody_. I had to hear from someone else that he ended up addicted to meth...he was completely dangerous now...and even so, he was kind enough to leave me- because we both knew _I_ would never sever the relationship by my own hand. I truly loved him."

My breath was hitched, catching in my throat. It was a hard pill to swallow, to hear such a story from someone like Emily. I felt so sorry for her.

"He was my fantasy after that...for a long time. Finally, my mom decided to send me to my Uncle Harry's for the following summer. I'm sure you know what happened from there," she smiled. I did, in fact.

A few days ago, during a particularly quiet ride, I asked Jake what was wrong. He explained that there was this legend that went along with being a werewolf- called imprinting. It meant that the wolf may find their soulmate in a way and be in love with her forever more. It sounded like a fairytale, almost. He told me that he heard about it earlier and that was what really happened with Sam & Emily. Sam was actually really in love with Emily's cousin Leah, first. But then he turned into a werewolf and after meeting Emily for the first time after that, he imprinted on her. It made sense, in a creepy kind of way. Her eyes met mine and in that moment, we seemed to be sharing the same thought.

"Yes, it can still seem like it's ingenuine," she sighed. I raised my eyebrows, wondering what she meant by this.

"I know he really loves me...but when I see how others have it so...easily. How it flows so effortlessly...that makes me a little jealous." she said, reading my face.

"Where my old Benjamin is my fantasy...Sam is my reality. He is the one that is here for me now, not Benjamin. It was beautiful between us but it couldn't work, in the end. I'm not settling here, either. My love for Sam is so real and so undeniable...even after I tried to deny it in vain. I was so angry for letting myself do this to Leah, afterall." I could see a hint of self-resentment in her face. She _was_ still unhappy with herself over the whole thing.

"I guess what I'm trying to say here Bella, is that Edward is a fantasy. And...you have a reality now, whether you're the only one who _doesn't_ see it, or not," she smiled, standing back up to stretch out. I frowned knowing what she was referring to. There was no need to think of anything complicated like _that_, right now.

"You know, I do have some homework to finish up, Emily. Do you mind if I sit at the kitchen with it?" I asked, trying to change the course of the converation. She took the hint.

"Sure, no problem. Need any pens or paper?"

"No thanks, I have what I need," I replied, pulling my binder out from my bag.

"I know," she mumbled, making her way down the hallway. I pulled out my math homework, bound and determined to get my mind off of the previous things, or people really.

"Hey Bella?" Emily called out from down the hall.

"Yes?" I answered, setting down my book. She appeared back in view, with a necklace made from the same materials as her pretty hair-tie.

"I made this a while ago. Would you like to have it?" she placed it in my hand. I inspected it slowly, turning the stone in my hands over and over again. It was so pretty, I would have to take her up on her offer.

"I'd love to have it! Thanks Emily!" I grinned, fastening it around my neck.

"It would be cool if you started coming over more often. It's been really nice to have a girl to talk to around here, lately. Leah doesn't really want to have anything to do with Sam or I, with good reason...so I was wondering, maybe if you'd like to start coming over after school? I could show you how to make these necklaces and all," she asked in a very hopeful tone.

I had a big feeling that all this extra time in La Push had nothing to do with Emily, but I couldn't help but to agree with her. It _was_ nice being able to talk to a girl who had all the same inside-scoop that I had.

"Sure, that would be cool." I smiled. She grinned back at me, with her scars no longer visible through her happiness. Jacob wouldn't have to be around as much, if this were the case, so this option seemed better than any other ones provided. At the thought of Jacob, I felt a little twitch in my stomach.

'_Sam is my reality...you have a reality now, whether you are the only one who doesn't see it, or not_...' her words kepy replaying in my mind. Was it wrong to ponder over this? What if Emily was right? What would that mean for me...or _him_? I sat back down, with my math text in hand, still thinking over my _reality_. I'd figure this out one way or another.


	4. Chapter 4: Night Terrors

A/N: Sorry that it's been so long since my last chapter! I've been on a slight vacation. I also wanted to work on Jacob's background, so I had to re-read different parts of the series. **I do know the inconsistency with the date of the Harry's funeral. But regretably, I put the funeral almost a week after Bella didn't jump, instead of two days later. Sorry! :0)

Chapter 4: Night Terrors

I stood there, under the steady spray of hot water, for what seemed like forever. I was crazy for running the water this hot, especially with my own body temperature being so warm. But I did it anyway, trying like mad to scour away the dirt from running patrol every night for a week. I grabbed the soap with a vengence.

I tried scrubbing my scalp as hard as I could, getting the dirt, sweat and possibly twigs from out of my hair. I wasn't usually a big wuss about getting dirty, but when I seemed to stay that way all the time- it was a nice change to be _clean. _I knew I'd have to hurry up and meet Bella at her house soon.

It was another school day for her and I was supposed to be by her side as much as possible. As nice a plan as it had originally sounded, I was not really looking forward to seeing her. Ever since I told her about this idea, she'd been acting...differently towards me.

Well, that was an understatement.

She didn't laugh at my stupid jokes as much, not that I could blame her- but she always used to. She had an irritability about her now that frankly, was starting to piss me off. Even after she was totally impressed with my rez-entrance carving, once I saw her later on that day, she barely said much else to me.

I tried to get her to snap out of it during the weekend, but she wasn't having it. She was always too deep in thought- probably more about that stupid leech...than anything else. I didn't want to be jealous of or angry with her. I just wanted her to _talk_ to me. It was depressing me to see her face so in pain for a split-second. Even when she thought I wasn't paying attention, I was.

And then to see Emily and Sam together all the time, I knew it must be driving her crazy. I'd originally suggested to Emily, to try to see if she could get Bella to come down to her cottage more often, figuring she'd probably say 'no' anyway. But here it is Thursday and she'd spent most of the weeknights here with Emily. I don't know what they do when they get together, but whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.

I turned off the loud, squeaky knobs and climbed out of the shower, grabbing the towel on the door. I stood in front of our mirror, checking out my face. I saw the dark circles etched into my skin underneath my eyes. 'If I was pale with skin cold as _my_ skin is hot right now...I'd look like one of them ,' I thought to myself, shaking my head.

I knew I needed sleep & I knew I needed it soon...but I needed to be on the constant lookout for Bella's sake. She may not like the idea, but she would just have to get the hell over it. Bella's apparent attitude problem with me was starting to get the best of me.

One minute, I'd look at her...seeing her smile while talking to Emily about a book they both read...I'd watch her crinkle up her nose and start laughing like the world around us seemed to be okay for that half-second. She'd look over at me, fumbling with her hair in some insanely cute way...then she'd remember that I was there to keep watch over her and she turn away, scowling.

It was still cute when she was pouting, but I'd end up sneering at her because she really wished her blood-sucker was here to protect her instead of me...with all the anger and resentment that came from her-I didn't understand her at _all _when she acted like this. I mean I did, she totally deserved to be pissed off at the world...but at me too? What did I do? If anything, I was trying to keep her alive and well!

This Victoria mess...it had put a dent in the plans that I made to help heal Bella's heart. They were always in the back of my mind, but if I had to put those aside to make sure she was still breathing by the end of each day...I'd do it. While it was my duty to protect our territory...Isabella Swan was in my mind, _my_ territory. Having to endure watching as she looked over her shoulder all the time, as if waiting for something to happen- it sucked.

All my thoughts here lately were consumed with her. Her, twisting her hair around her finger, taking small bites of her food, laughing at me stuffing my face. And her, seeing right through me, glaring at me, slamming her driver's side door every time she got out...It was all too much to deal with from just one person. Then on the other hand, I had family issues going on. My Dad was so mopey these days, after Harry died. He was always having someone come pick him up so that he could go spend time with the Clearwaters, Uleys and Charlie. Not that I could blame him, he was always close to Harry since they were kids. I can't imagine what would happen if I lost Embry or Quil like that...I wouldn't be able to comprehend it.

Speaking of Quil, it would be time for me to go check up on him, later.

He had finally phased for the first time, two nights ago. He was out helping his mom in her garden, when all of the sudden he started getting the feverish feeling. Next thing you know, he phased right there in their bathroom. Luckily for him, the Ateara's had a much larger bathroom than Billy & I did, so he didn't bust a hole in any walls. He still hasn't explained the story to us, as to how _exactly_ he got out of the bathroom, but he's been pretty well despite the hundreds of changes your body goes through in an instant.

He knew what was coming, so in that aspect, he had it easier than the rest of us. And now, well...he actually seemed to be enjoying the new-found animal thing. I could see other reasons though, why he was happier now. Now he knew- knew all of the stuff that we had to keep from him. Quil finally felt like he had his friends back and new ones as well. It was a brotherly-feeling of course, but knowing everyone's feelings, thoughts, plans...it really bugged me.

I didn't need to know that not only did Jared imprint on a girl in his class named Kim, but they had already gone to what he referred to as 'sorta third base'. Whatever the hell that meant, caused flashes of imagery to pop up in our collective mind that I really didn't want to see. Or hear.

Twenty minutes later, I was on Bella's front porch, waving 'bye' to Charlie as he hopped into his police cruiser. I'd been wondering lately, if Charlie really trusted a young boy to be around his daughter like I've been. Then I remembered, I was Charlie's favorite...and his best friend's son. So maybe that had something to do with it.

I chuckled to myself as I thought about what it would look like if that Newton kid showed up to Bella's house everyday to pick her up. He sure as hell wouldn't be let in the house, let alone her room with her. But there again...Charlie could also pick up the too-obvious 'friend' vibes Bella put off around me.

After sitting on the top step for a while, I heard the door open behind me, followed by a loud sigh. Ah, my subtle best friend...

"Anything new?" Bella asked, the same as she did every other morning.

"Naw, but that's good though. We haven't picked up either of the leeches' scents since last week. I think that maybe Jared and Paul scared the main one all the way down to mid-California that one night."

Bella blew a piece of hair out of her face and traipsed past me. I laughed at the sulking face that peered out of her truck. I decided that she could drive her own truck, but I still needed to accompany her to and from school. The council finally let the main school director in on what was going on, so I got the okay to be late for my first class and could now leave thirty minutes early from my last class. I watched the immense concentrating Bella was doing, which most likely had nothing to do with driving.

She was trying to say something to me and had no idea how to, that much I could tell. This was a nice surprise to me since she didn't talk to me on the way to school.

"Jake...I've been thinking-" she started.

"Hmm. Well, that's a dangerous road for you to go down," I joked, immediately taking it back. I was even more shocked though, when she ignored me and continued on.

"I think maybe I've been...such a..._bitch_ about this whole watching over me thing...and I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," she paused, looking over at me. My eyes widened, waiting to hear more.

"You really don't deserve me getting all upset at you for trying to save my neck. But still, I'd like it if you weren't always around me, every time I turn around. It used to be that I could come down to La Push whenever I wanted, which for me-_was_ always....Now I feel like I'm being forced to stay there. Charlie's starting to get the wrong idea about us and I just can't have that-"

"Wait, Charlie's getting the wrong idea about what?" I interrupted.

"Us. He's getting the wrong idea about _us_. But that's not the impor-"

"And what's the wrong idea?" I questioned innocently. I saw the red creep up into her cheeks, as she narrowed her eyes at the road. Okay, so I shouldn't be pushing her buttons right after she apologized to me but...

"He for _some_ reason seems to think that you and I...that we're together or something...Even when I tell him that's not how it is, he doesn't believe me. He keeps saying 'Yeah okay, Bells. That's fine though, Jake's a great kid, blah blah blah.' It's really frustrating for me," she hissed. I laughed as I heard her grumbling a Charlie-impersonation. She cut her eyes at me- I put my hands up in surrender.

"I'm sorry Bells. I'm not trying to intentionally get on your nerves. It's just that I think I may have had a stroke from you telling me you're sorry," I laughed, patting her shoulder to show her I was just playing. I could've sworn that I almost saw a smirk on her face, but she quickly sobered up.

"Well, back to what I was saying. I get that you're trying to keep an eye on me and everything, but it's just weird. You know, to have a personal bodyguard around me all the time. Even if it's...you," she blushed slightly. The school was coming into view.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's annoying for me to be around you so much, believe me, it's no walk in the park for _me_ either. You're always crabby and ready to bite my head off," I replied, seeing her wince under my words. She mumbled 'sorry' again, sticking to the uneasy silence until we reached the parking lot. I watched her pretend to search through her bookbag for something. I leaned down to catch her gaze.

"So what exactly are you asking me again?" I questioned her. She fumbled a second on her words, sighing at the end of her incoherent sentence.

"I don't know what I'm asking...No...what I'm _telling_ you. I just think maybe you could chill it out a bit. Ease off the leash, or whatever. Guess I just want some more privacy," she muttered at last. I frowned.

"_Look_. It would ease the pack's minds as well as my own mind, for you to be guarded right now. I'm not saying forever Bella-" I noticed her tightened expression.

"I'm just saying until we get our mouths full of that blood-sucker. We need to make sure that she can't get to you, even at school. I don't trust that she would restrain herself in front of other humans, if it came down to it...And for the record? I don't like making you do stuff you don't want to do. I know it makes you feel like we're babysitting you, but we're not...not really, anyway. Besides, you're technically older than the pack, except for Sam of course. So we can't really be babysitting you!

So that's that...why don't you go ahead on before you're late and if you want, you can drive back home by yourself. But I will be following you, which I'm sure you know. Is that cool? Or do you need me to implant some sort of GPS tracking device in you?" I smiled at my own joke.

She looked like she was taking what I said into consideration, which made me slightly happier. Then she broke out into a smile, the smile that always sucked out the air from my lungs. My chest constricted in hope. She threw her arms around my shoulders, almost not able to grasp her hands together behind my back, burying her head into my chest. My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets in reaction to this.

"Thank you soo much Jake! I really mean it. Thanks for the compromise," she turned back around, loping out of the car, almost too happily.

"Um, you're welcome?" Sheesh, sometimes she made _no sense at all_. She threw another smile my way, before waving 'bye'. I shook my head, returning her grin. Shutting the door behind me, I started the long, boring walk to the edge of the forest where I could phase quickly and run faster to school. I could see the same stares out of the corner of my eye-I was sure that this scene was an odd one, especially every day.

Once I reached far enough in, I checked around me to make sure no one could see me. I grabbed the fabric to tie my pants around me out of my pocket, before pulling off my shirt & sweats, hurrying up by strapping them to my leg. Kicking off my shoes, I stood up and made the jump, bursting out of my skin and suddenly three times my size, covered in my shaggy fur. I sniffed the air in front of me, making sure there wasn't anyone close-by.

I ran the almost fifteen miles between the two schools, taking me about two minutes, by way of wolf-travel. I dropped the sneakers that were in my mouth, quickly phased back and sprinted over the school's entrance. Rolling my eyes, I knew that I was in for another lame day in class.

After what seemed like forever, the day was already gone. At least for me. I nodded towards Quil and Embry, who were sitting on the right side of me, still working on our latest math assignment. I raced all the way back to Forks High School, from there. This time however, I skirted around the forest, still in wolf-form, searching for her with my keen sense of sight. One of my favorite new things about myself was the fact that I was no longer in dire need of glasses. I mean how would I look in a pair of nerdy glasses, right? I couldn't begin to describe how cool it was to suddenly feel like Peter Parker, who was fortunate enough to be given bad-ass vision.

Right on time, Bella started down the front steps. I could see that she was looking for me too, but like I told her earlier, I'd let her have some 'space', as long as she knew I'd be running alongside of her truck. Kinda. The smugness on her face made me laugh; she really liked getting her way. Maybe because for a while now, she hasn't had it that way. Not that I could help it- I wanted to be able to give her whatever she felt she needed, within reason. She really must've had no idea how I...whatever. I guess it won't do me any good to lose precious, needed sleep over it.

I heard her truck roar to life, running by her all the way back to her house, a few miles down the road. I turned back, throwing on my pants for good measure and sneaked up behind her.

"Jake, you're not a very quiet person, believe it or not." Bella laughed, turning around to face me from her truck door. I faked a pout, crossing my arms across my chest. "Thanks for keeping your word about the ride home, though." She smiled again, me following her lead up into the house.

"Yeah, well a promise is a promise," I shrugged. Charlie still wasn't home I noticed, looking for the telltale gun-belt and boots lying around on the floor somewhere.

"You staying?" Bella asked, dumping her bookbag on the couch next to me.

"It depends. Do I get a reward for good behavior?" I smirked, thinking of the potential food options she may offer me. Her cheeks flushed in response, oddly confusing me.

"Wha-what? Oh uh, um, I guess the occasion calls for some dinner maybe. I was going to fry some chicken and stuff." she stuttered. I raised my eyebrows, slowly nodding, as I understood what threw her off. Chuckling, I watched as she hurried into her kitchen, still shaking her head in disbelief...probably at what ran through her head when I said that.

The rest of the evening went on like that; me and Bella dancing around on eggshells with our words. The thoughts that tugged at the back of my mind were starting to pull more and more loose. Mistakenly, I thought that maybe the kiss from in my kitchen would iron out the awkward tension between us. Boy, was I wrong.

It only got worse once Charlie came home and sat down with us. We accidently brushed our fingers when both reaching for napkins, causing Bella's heart to skip a few beats, I could hear. Mine almost completely stopped, just in response to this.

It was riddiculous how a mere touch of her skin could drive me so crazy. Not to mention the obvious attraction she had to me. She had to beg me to put my shirt back on. It's not like I want to run around half-naked or anything, it's just that it gets so _hot_ being in a shirt all the time. What really cracked me up though, was that every time she said something about it, she couldn't help but look over my chest and stomach, in one uneasy sweep with her eyes.

I didn't know what to do at that point. But I realized when she walked me to the door later, that I would have to figure out something. I couldn't be a big baby and not tell her how I feel. I mean sure, she probably already knew, but did she know to what extent? Would it make any difference, actually hearing it from me? These were things I had to ponder, on the ride back home.

Since I ran to her house earlier in the morning, I had to have Sam pick me up, to keep up appearances with Charlie. 'It would probably look a little weird seeing me run off into the woods like the local wildlife,' I laughed to myself. Bella gave me a small hug, before saying 'bye.' I turned to see Sam waiting on the side of the road in his truck. I was glad that he couldn't read my thoughts right now...no, that would come later on tonight. He eyed me carefully as I hopped into his truck.

Judging by the way he didn't say a word to me the whole ride back to La Push, I figured he knew I had a lot of stuff on my mind. Then ontop of everything, we had Harry's funeral to go to tonight. This was something I was not looking forward to, _at all_. I had only been to one funeral before...and that was not one I wanted to relive anytime soon.

I walked into my house, looking for a sign of my Dad. I knew I had to hurry up and get dressed for later on. Not remembering if I had a long-enough tie or not, I rummaged through my small closet, grabbing the only slacks I could find. Of course, they were from three or four years ago for some special occasion. They were probably close to a foot-and-a-half too short for me. Sighing, I threw on my one pair of regular jeans that weren't too short on me. Hopefully, no one would have much to say.

Sam was already on his way down the road, to his mom's. 'I bet he had something nice to wear,' I thought sourly, before throwing on a black t-shirt. I knew I had a long-sleeved white button-up shirt...but chances are that the shirt would now be a belly-shirt on me. I winced at the mere image. There was a knock on the front door. I heard their voices before they even impatiently let themselves in; it was Embry and Quil.

"Naw man, my mom just went to go get me some slacks and shirts just a few weeks ago. She doesn't...she can't just go get more. It doesn't work like that." I heard Embry say, snapping at Quil's comments about him wearing a black shirt and jeans to Harry's funeral. Quil followed behind him, in a crisp new black dress-shirt and black slacks. Quil's parents did a little better off than the rest of ours, simply because his mom had her own business that she ran out of their home, something to do with gardening. No one ever mentioned anything like that though, not that Quil would ever say that either. They both looked at me, Embry's sneer breaking into a wide grin.

"See? I'm not the only one dressed more _casually_," he laughed. I smiled back at him. "Nice ensemble," I joked with Quil, nudging him in the ribs. I took it back immediately, remembering the reason why we all were standing here in the first place. We all sighed, walking out my front door and down the road towards the line that was growing by the Clearwater's house. This was not going to be an easy day.

The funeral set off a weird ache in my stomach; one that I couldn't shake. The tribe's 'healer' was giving Harry's eulogy in English, with Quileute verses woven in. It sounded very otherworldly. Almost as if it were from another time completely. Seeing the Clearwater's sitting up front in the row of chairs, the way Sue's head was bent downwards while Leah and Seth were on her sides, their heads bent to meet hers...it took me back to when my mom had died, right where I didn't want to be.

I was only a kid- seven at the time. It was actually a few weeks after my birthday, the roads were still slick with ice from the beginning of the harsh winter we would later have. Rebecca and Rachel were staying at a friend's house that night, up at the Makha reservation. It was my mom and dad's wedding anniversay I think, because they had asked different people to see if they could watch me that night.

Finally, Embry's mom promised she would bring Embry over and we would have a sleepover at our house. We were good friends by that point, Embry and his mom had been at La Push for a few years now. Me and Embry were sitting on the floor in my room, playing with my Power Rangers when the phone rang.

We knew we were supposed to be in bed, it was already past our bedtime anyway, but we snuck into the kitchen to see what was going on. Embry's mom had the phone cord wrapped a few times around her arm, her face all wet from crying by the phone. "_Yes, I will bring him up there as soon as I can_." and she hung up the phone.

She turned sharply, seeing us peering around the corner, scared at what might be going on. Were big, scary monsters attacking us? The kind that were cold like ice and drank all our blood? What happened? I had thought, when she pulled us into the other room. After that, things got kinda blurry. Maybe my mind, not wanting to remember it all.

We met Rachel, Rebecca and their friend's mom at the hospital. Everyone was crying, everything was all white. I remember days later, seeing my dad in the hospital bed, with tubes all over him. He was barely awake, but I know I heard them talking about him having pairs-of-lies....that his legs wouldn't work anymore. No one spoke about my mom, Sarah.

I was too young to get what exactly happened. I only just heard the whole story a few years ago.

They were on the way home from their anniversary dinner, coming from Port Angeles. My mom was driving, since Billy had a little too much to drink at the restaurant. They weren't going very fast, but something went wrong with the brakes, when she tried to slow down going around a sharp turn. They cut out and then the truck skidded down into a ravine off the side...causing my mom to go through the windshield. The truck kept rolling down the hill, smashing the right fender completely in, crushing my dad's legs. It had been all over the papers.

The accident caused everything to suddenly be catagorized in ways my kid-mind couldn't understand. Everything was now pre-accident and post-accident. I didn't like things as much for the next year, post-accident. I didn't play with my friends as much. I didn't eat as much. I was outside more, but not running around or chasing bugs or anything a little kid would do. I would go out to our backyard and build a big fort just so I could sit in it, by myself.

My sisters weren't taking it very well, either. Rebecca was already in high school when it happened- in the middle of her freshman year. Rachel wasn't too far behind, still in 6th grade. They understood much better than I did, but being older caused it to be harder, I think, on them.

Rebecca was the quiet one of us, very motherly, very smart and very pretty (or so they say). She was the top of her class. She was the female leader that the elders had been waiting for. My dad was definitely the chief of the tribe, if you could call him that. With times changing, the elders saw that having a strong female leader would be just as well as having a strong male leader. Rebecca would follow in my dad's footsteps.

Of course, until she got older and married my now brother-in-law, Chris. He was stationed in Hawaii with the U.S. Navy, when she met him. Love at first sight and all that...the elders were so pissed about the fact that she turned down a perfectly good scholarship to go marry some white guy. My dad didn't mind- it was whatever she wanted that would make him happy.

No, he knew that Rachel, the once wild-child of the family would end up going to college and getting her education- it was just a matter of time. Which of course, he was right about. As soon as she could fly, Rachel got the hell outta Dodge and never looked back. It still irked me how quickly she was able to just up and leave my dad and me. She hated living in the house the most, because as we all knew, Rach was kind of our mom's favorite. She looks just like Billy, while me and Becca look like our mom the most. She took it the hardest, aside from dad. That was easy to tell.

Then there was me, Jake. I was the boy no one saw coming. My dad always thought he would have three girls, for some reason. I was the comic of the family, the ham, if you will. Always cracking my dumb little jokes, trying to play tricks on everyone (especially Rachel).

The elders of course, they swelled with pride when my dad announced they had a baby boy instead of another girl. '_This is it_,' they must've thought. '_This will be our new leader_!'

I always rejected any sort of name-related royalty anyone tried to place on me. Another reason it was so easy to just follow under Sam the not-meant-to-be Alpha. I never wanted that kind of responsibility. I always had enough on my plate as it was.

I was the other man in the family, so everyone thought it best if I were Billy's main care-taker. Not that he really needed my help or anything. He learned how to accomodate his lifestyle change a lot quicker than the rest of us. He would always have to remind us to leave pathways clear, turn off all the fans in the house, etc. He did make sure though, that he raised us the best that he could. The manners thing, being caring and all. He also made sure that he taught me the more manly things in life...like how to fish the old-fashioned way, how to fix our plumbing, how to change the car's oil...of course he didn't really know as much about vehicles as he let on. In the end, it was my choice to be so car-obsessed.

Sure, Billy knew which cars were which, how to do the average thing here or there...but I think that's all he ever wanted to know. The accident made him feel like cars were kind of this fear he didn't embrace, but one that he didn't want to know any more about.

On the other hand though, I was the exact opposite. I really _was_ obsessed with finding out how they worked and what really caused my mom and dad's accident. It was my sick passion that made it possible at the age of nine, to build my own garage, for me to work on our trucks whenever need be...

I didn't know how long I was sitting there thinking of the past, but suddenly everyone was already filing out the door. I wiped my cheeks clean of any wetness, following behind my dad as he wheeled his way down the aisle. The rest of the evening continued on, seeing sad faces, hearing people blowing their noses, listening to the many stories about Harry Clearwater around the room. Everyone was meeting back at the tribal council building, where anything that was ever going on in La Push, ever happened at. I knew that the elder's had already performed their rituals, where Harry's ashes were scattered around the bonfire, the night before. I could smell all of the food that was surely lining the tables of the building. Amazingly, I wasn't feeling too hungry, so I told my dad 'bye', walking back down to our house so that I could go get ready for my next patrol sweep.

Tonight was my next night at Bella's and I wasn't going to be late for any reason.

I wasn't sure why I couldn't just fall asleep in my bed anymore. You'd think that with the lack of rest I get, that I could fall asleep standing up; but that's just not the case with me. I end up lying down and then staring out my window, worrying and oddly enough _daydreaming _about Bella.

Not that it's weird for me to think about her, well, all the time...I just wish I didn't lose sleep over it sometimes. I turned away from my window, thinking how nice it would be if I could watch over Bella in her sleep. I'd seen it before- her asleep. She really did look like a porcelain doll wrapped up in a sea of sheets. Her hair was a pretty brown, not quite dark enough to be considered dark brown, so it made her pale complexion that more pronounced. She looked like an angel, honestly.

I could feel my eyelids start to close, when suddenly our phone rang. 'Well, this is unusual,' I thought, as I tried to see what my alarm clock read. _2:47_. AM? It had to be, it was dark as night outside. I couldn't hear anything but nocturnal animals outside in our yard. The phone rang again and this time, I hopped up and ran into our kitchen, to grab it off of the wall. I rubbed my sore eyes, barely mumbling a 'hello?' into the receiver.

"Hello? Jake is that you?" I heard a quiet voice ask. Speak of the angel and she shall call! But what on Earth could she want at this time of night. My heart started pacing faster at the thoughts that ran through my head.

"Bella? What are ya-what-where...why are you calling so late?" I stumbled, exhausted. I thought I heard her giggle for a brief second, but that wasn't it...that couldn't have been it. I shook my head, trying to get it right.

"Sorry I woke you up. I just...I wanted to um, talk to you, I guess?" she said, sounding slightly embarassed at her late-night call.

"Okay, what's up? Is something wrong, or are you just calling to, uh, shoot the breeze?" I asked, smiling at the last part. I knew that no matter how trivial something could sound, it would sound like the written word coming out of Bella's mouth.

"I don't really know. I couldn't go to sleep and I tried really hard to, but it wouldn't work and now I just...I don't know. Do you think..." she spoke quickly, but then her sentence trailed off. I raised my eyebrows at what she was trying to ask me.

"What do you need?" I asked softly, leaning up against the wall.

"Well, I just wanted to see if maybe you could come over. Just so I have someone to talk to, you know. Maybe we could go for a walk?" she hinted, sounding very shy all of the sudden. My heart started to beat even fast than I thought possible. Was she serious?

"Yeah, I suppose I can. Why do you want to talk a walk though? It's not really the best time to be doing that, especially given the circumstances." I answered, scratching my head with my free hand. She sighed into the phone. Having her voice so seemingly close to me, was doing nothing for my nerves.

"You'll be there with me. I know you'll keep me safe," I could hear her smile into the phone. My heart felt lighter than air at these words. However true we both knew they were, it still sounded amazing coming from her. I got off of the phone, practically flying over to the Swan residence. Waiting for me outside her window, was Bella. After changing back to human-form, I jogged over to her. She shouldn't have already been outside- that was definitely _not_ safe. I frowned down at her.

"What the hell are you doing out here already, Bells? You know it's too dangerous to be out at night by yourself!" I hissed, making sure to not wake up Charlie, inside. She smiled, shaking her head and took my hand in hers. Now this was really weird.

"I'm sorry Jake. I got a little antsy, waiting. But I did want to show you something, something in the woods. You won't believe it!" she laughed, pulling at me to walk with her. I stopped in mid-step, pulling her back towards me.

"BELLA, what in the HELL, man? What's up with you tonight?" I yelled, suddenly feeling anxiety from the odd behavior. She stuck her bottom lip out, as if to pout like a little girl. I was perplexed. She yanked at my arm, me begrudgingly following her into the outer part of the forest. I had a very bad feeling about this.

We kept walking, until there was a little clearing of ground. 'This was where we'd followed the second female's scent to. It ended right here in this same clearing. Did she know about this place already? If so, this may hold a new meaning,' I mused. The moon shone down on us, lighting up our facial features. I glanced down at Bella's face, shocked at the way the light made her face look like it was glowing. It was so surreal to see her standing there, in her long nightgown, so close.

'A nightgown? What are we, in the 1950's?' I thought, remembering how Bella was in a t-shirt and some sweatpants the last time I saw her asleep. 'And now she's dragged me to this spot, to stand here and what? Stare out into space?' I wondered, noticing how she kept glancing around the clearing, as if looking for something.

"Alright now, what did you want to show me, Bells? Because no offense, but I am completely exhauste-"

"SHHH!" she hushed me, putting her finger to my mouth. My lips burned at her small touch. I looked at her curiously.

"This is where he'll be!" she said, almost giddy with excitement. I could feel the hair stand up on the back of my neck, at these words. My stomach dropped down further in my gut, as if something punched me. 'What the hell is going on here? Why is Bella acting like this and further more- who is she talking about?' I thought, grabbing her hand with my trembling one. We needed to get out of here before something happened. She yanked her arm as hard as she could, causing her to stumble backwards. When I went to bend down to help her back up, she scooted back from me, avoiding my grasp.

"C'mon Bells! It's not safe here! We have to get you home before-"

"Bella. Bella, you need to get away from him. Jacob Black is not to be trusted by us." I heard a soft voice coming from somewhere to the left of us. It was definitely a guy's voice, but I couldn't quite figure out who it was. But as I watched Bella's face light up suddenly, then harden after the instructions, I knew immediately. It was her leech lover, Cullen. Confused and ready to fight, I turned sharply to my left, searching for him in the darkness. All I saw besides Bella and I was the looming darkness that seemed to shroud around our clearing. She looked up at me from the ground, with nothing but pure hatred in her eyes. I gasped at her, still not understanding what was happening.

"Get over here and fight, you bastard! You dead son of a bitch! You better not touch her, get near her or even look at her or so help me GOD you will be a pile of burnt ashes in a matter of minutes!" I screamed, moving to the other side of the clearing, keeping away from Bella as I went to phase.

"NO! Don't you dare say that, Jacob! I hate you! I could never ever be with you! Edward is the one that I will always love, not you. Never you! I never want to see you again, you stupid beast!" Bella roared from the spot I left her. I reached out to pull Bella near me...her face...it had changed in an instant. Suddenly she was paler than pale. With big red-ringed eyes and her teeth bared. I jolted to my right, seeing that bloodsucking leech run past. Suddenly, I was in wolf-form, getting ready to launch myself at him, but got knocked to my side, unknowingly....

"Jacob, you need to wake up. NOW." the bloodsucker said, my thoughts starting to swirl around me.

My eyes flashed open, peering out into the darkness. It was only a dream...right?

'_Jacob. You need to get home. You need sleep.' _I heard Sam's voice in my head. I looked up, but I was no longer looking at the underside of trees, but at the open sky. There was a house to my right, as well as another shadow that was the same size as mine.

I felt a cold muzzle nudging me to get up. I turned to see Sam, who was sitting back on his haunches, waiting for me to wake up. As if to answer the question I'm sure he saw floating along in my head, '_Yes Jake, it was just a dream. And yeah, a creepy one at that. But you need sleep. We can't have you falling asleep on the job, man_.' he thought, looking up towards the house. I lowered my head, ashamed and enraged all at once, at myself. How could I just fall asleep trying to protect Bella? When was the last time I had any decent sleep? Why did we still need sleep, with these heightened-sensed bodies of ours? I cussed in my mind, and listened to Sam's answer.

The next morning melted from underneath the quick-paced evening before it. I jumped at the sound of our phone ringing in the kitchen. Deja vu. I heard my Dad wheel to the phone before I could bring myself to get out of bed. He answered it cheerfully. I could hear Bella's voice on the other end, asking for me. I blanched, not sure if I was just reliving the nightmare I had before or not. He called for me to pick up the phone.

I obeyed and walked slowly into the kitchen, curiously. My answer was even slower coming out of my mouth.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jake. How's it going?" she asked, sounding a little unnerved. _Man, she has no idea_.

"It's going, I guess. Is something up?" I asked, remembering today was Saturday, so she had no need to be up this early. I heard her muttering to herself, something about 'you could say that.'

"Well, uh, you think you can come over? I mean, it doesn't have to be right now or anything, but I think-"

"There's nothing you need to show me, right?" I quickly asked.

"Uh, well, um....no. But I mean, I know it's early, but if you could just come over, I'm kinda out of it right now, so I dunno. I don't really want to talk about it over the phone." she whispered the last part, sounding slightly embarassed leaving me once again confused.

"Okay, just let me grab something to eat first. Then I'll be right over...But you're sure you're okay, right?" I asked, making sure.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she said. I got off the phone with her, made a quick bowl of cereal, gulped it down and practically ran out the door.

Once I got back over to her place, I noticed right away that there was something going on. No, it wasn't like the nightmare I had...she had something she wanted to tell me. Something that seemed important. I watched as Bella smoothed out her shirt over her sides, squeezing herself together. Hmm. She tilted her head towards their living room, for us to go sit down.

"Ladies first," I said, following behind her.

"You looked a little freaked out, Jake," Bella observed, twisting her hair into a ponytail.

"Not trying to be. I just had a weird dream last night," I muttered, running my hand through my hair. Bella's eyes widened while her mouth dropped open.

"What?" I asked.

"That's just...crazy. I had this...horrible dream last night and everything...It really freaked me out. That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She sat closer towards the edge of her seat.

"What did you dream?" I asked.

"I was in the forest, chasing after something. I don't know what it was, or why I was chasing it. But I think you were following with me. Running next to me. Then I turned a corner, where there was this weird clearing. Whatever it was that I was chasing, I think it was on the other side, but I couldn't see it. You turned away from me then, not wanting to go any further. I kept asking you 'What's wrong Jake, why won't you help me?'. You looked at me like...like you hated me or something. You said I was stupid...and that you were tired of following me...that I hurt you. Then you walked away from me. It was like I was stuck there or something. I couldn't move...I didn't want to." she finished, her eyes welling up with tears she didn't want me to see.

She quickly rubbed her eyes like she was fighting back a yawn. I sat there in silence, a little creeped out by how in sync our dreams were...but also in awe of how much I really must mean to her. If it weren't the case, then she wouldn't be having these weird dreams. Bella leaned her head on my shoulder, sighing in what sounded like contentment.

"Ha, shows you how much you know," I said, shaking my head. She looked at me quizically. "I wouldn't just leave you in a forest by yourself to work out all of your problems on your own. Only a true bastard would do something like that," I answered, able to see that my words cut her more than soothed her. We sat in silence for a minute, her twisting her hands as she smiled at me suddenly.

"So, what kind of freaky dream did you have?" she asked, pulling us back against the couch. We were both reveling in the closeness of each other for a second longer than we should have I noticed, when Bella started blushing. "Trust me Bells, you don't want to know."

"I do...trust you, that is. I'll take your word for it," she said, squeezing my hand in hers.

Just as it should be, I thought, as I looked up at the ceiling.


End file.
